Cullen Wife Swap
by randomper88
Summary: Wife Swap... Cullen Style! Please enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is the Cullen Wife Swap. I do not own Wife Swap...**

**Stephenie Meyer: And Twilight**  
><strong>Me: ... and Twilight :(<strong>

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 1 <span>**

**Emmett POV**

This morning, I had a brilliant idea. I would sign our family onto Wife Swap! So, without further ado, I grabbed Andrew's video camera from his room and started filming. Before I could however, Alice came bounding in the room like the hyper pixie she is.

"Good plan Emmett. I saw it and it'll work." She said while bouncing up and down clapping her hands in glee.

The rest of the family – except Carlisle and Esme came in looking confused. Except for Eddie. Whoops, Edward, I meant to say. He snorted and Bella just looked at him in confusion. So did everyone else. Edward gave a sigh and said, "Emmett's planning to sign us up onto Wife Swap." This revelation was met by varying opinions.

"I don't mind."

"Emmett you ninny, why would you do that?"

"Cool!"

So, in the end, they all agreed on it. Yes! Score one for me.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

**Carlisle POV**

I came back from work and checked the mail – not that we got much. There were the usual magazine subscriptions, and other envelopes. There was a mail from Andrew – my youngest son who joined shortly after the Volutri came to Forks. Then there was a letter from an unknown source.

I opened it and hissed involuntarily. What had those kids done now? It was a letter from some television show called 'Wife Swap'. It read:

_Dear Mr Cullen,_

_We are pleased to inform you that your entry for Wife Swap has been picked. The producers of the show will be around your house on Wednesday the 16th of May to take a few shots of your family. On the following day, a limousine will be coming to pick up Esme Cullen. Mrs Cullen will be swapping with the Hill family from Pittsburgh, PA. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions._

_From,_

_The Wife Swap team_

I frowned as I went into the house calling for a family meeting at the same time. Esme appeared looking worried. "What's happened?" I shook my head indicating that I would discuss this later. The kids trickled down the stairs. One couple followed by another.

"What," I asked them, "Is the meaning of this?"

Esme picked up the letter that I had thrown onto the table. She let out a hiss and narrowed her eyes when she read it. "Who. Did. This?" I looked around at the kids and they were looking anywhere but Esme and me.

Emmett. That boy was behind this, wasn't he? Behind the rest of his siblings, Edward gave a short, sharp nod. Just then, the vampire in question said, "I did it Carlisle, Esme."

**Emmett POV**

I just gave myself in! What was I thinking? Oh, yeah Rose… I let my mind drift back to those wonderful memories. A few hours ago that is. Edward gave a groan "Emmett please. Just don't start." I glared at him. Stupid mind reading vampire.

"Emmett, what were you thinking when you signed us up for this?" Carlisle groaned.

"Technically, Carlisle, Emmett doesn't really think much." Edward added. Alice chirped in, "Can we please join. I mean I checked the weather there and it won't be sunny for the two weeks that you're there." That's when the rest of the family joined in pleading with Carlisle and Esme.

"Please guys…Please?"

"We'll be good kids."

"We promise nothing bad will happen to the human."

Carlisle gave a sigh. "All right, we'll do it. But Emmett, you're in big trouble."

Yes! Whatever my punishment is, it's worth it.

"No touching Rosalie for the two weeks that the new mum is here."

Ok. I take that back. Nooooooooooooooooo! Why Carlisle? Why must you be so cruel? Edward chuckled. "It's your own fault Emmett." I gave him another glare. Get out of my head Eddie. Or I'll start thinking about Rosie again… "Ok. Ok. I'll stop."

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><p><strong>Please Review. Bit short - I know. The video Emmett made is next.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap **

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 2<span>**

**Carlisle POV**

Where's the video?" Esme asked. Alice ran up to get it then placed it into the DVD player. The screen flickered open and a shot of the house was shown.

"Hi, I'm Carlisle Cullen and this is my house." Emmett said in a perfect imitation of my voice. "I'll show you around. This is the kitchen, that's the living room…" Emmett continued to explain until he finished showing off the entire house. Then he turned to each and every one of our family members. Edward and Bella came first. The camera showing Edward playing the piano while Bella watched him.

"This is Edward. My first adopted son. He likes playing the piano and hanging out with his girlfriend Bella. I think he was depressed before he found her. Bella was adopted along with her brother, Emmett, after we found them without their parents. We still don't know who they are. Bella is also prone to clumsiness. " Bella and Edward growled at that but Emmett just grinned.

Next was a shot of Jasper and Alice reading in their bedroom. "This is my second adopted son, Jasper and his girlfriend, Alice. Jasper is fond of history especially the Civil War. He is very emotional and always looks like he's in pain. But don't worry he's not. Alice came after we adopted Jasper and his twin Rosalie. She's very hyper. We sometimes call her 'Pixie'. She is also addicted to shopping and can spend a lot on a single trip." Jasper and Alice glared at Emmett who beamed back.

The trouble maker himself and Rosalie were next. Rosalie was sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine. "This is Jasper's twin Rosalie. As you can see, she's very beautiful isn't she? She loves to shop like Alice and is very good with cars. She's also our family's mechanic." Rose gave a smile to Emmett who smiled back. Then a shot of a cardboard cutout of Emmett came on.

Wait… Why does he have a cardboard cutout of himself? "This is my third adopted son, Emmett. He's a strong person and loves playing pranks on his siblings. He also likes playing video game and spending time with his girlfriend Rosalie. Emmett might look big but he's harmless. He's also my favorite son." Everyone groaned at this and Emmett giggled.

Then came Nessie and Jacob. The camera showed them playing checkers together. "This is Renesmee or Nessie and Jacob. Nessie was adopted along with her brother Edward and is very close to both him and Bella. Jacob is the son close of family friends and we decided to adopt him after he lost both his parents in an accident. Jacob enjoys fixing up motorcycles and goes to a local collage. He also smells. A lot. Nessie is home schooled by Esme and the rest of the kids attend the local high school."

This part was received with a lot of complaints from the other kids. "Why are Nessie and Jake the only ones that sound sane?" Bella asked Emmett.

"Because dear sister, I didn't know what to say to make them sound like they were crazy." came back the reply.

A photograph of Andrew appeared on the camera. "This is my second youngest son. His name is Andrew. He isn't home right now as he is in England with his younger brother, Benjamin or Ben as we call him. He enjoys playing the violin and is often very depressed. When he's not depressed however, he enjoys playing pranks with his Emmett. Andrew is also prone to violent temperaments and has um… trust issues. Yeah, let's call it that." Esme looked at Emmett.

"That's not very nice Emmett. You made Andrew sound like someone with multi personality disorder." Emmett just shrugged. Andrew's mate, Sarah was next.

"This is Sarah, the younger sister of both Rosalie and Jasper. She makes very good wooden sculptors. She is currently Andrew's girlfriend and is close to Ben. She also does not enjoy shopping like Bella." I let out a sigh. At least someone was spared from Emmett's so called 'jokes'. Emmett looked at me from his place on the loveseat.

"Surprise! I didn't make a total weirdo out of her."

"Yes. And I'm very glad of that."

Jasper pressed the play button and the video continued. A photograph of Ben appeared on screen. The young boy was hugging his stuffed teddy bear that he called 'Mr Tedsworth'. "This is Ben, Andrew's younger brother. He is very close to Andrew and enjoys playing with Nessie and his siblings." I gave a sigh. Who trusted Emmett with the video camera in the first place?

"We did." Edward said from his place on the couch. I nodded at him and motioned Jasper to continue playing the video. There was a shot of Esme sitting in the garden tending to her plants. "This is my wife Esme. She fell out of a tree when she was sixteen and was never right again." Everyone glared at Emmett who said, "Sorry mummy." to Esme. Esme just said, "When this is over, you are in big trouble."

Jasper continued the video, "Esme likes gardening, cooking and taking care of the house. She works as an interior designer and is very good at it. She is unable to have children so that's why we decided to adopt." Then a shot of my in my study doing paperwork came on screen. "That is me in my study. I work at the local hospital and help save lives. I love my job and my family understands this and respects it." I snorted. "Emmett, you made me look like a complete workaholic." Emmett grinned at me.

"I'm just saying."

The camera was focused on the outside of the house. "Well, that's it. We hope you except us for Wife Swap. I think our family could benefit from the show." After a few minutes of stunned silence, the entire living room burst.

"I was never depressed!"

"Did you just make that nickname up?"

"I am not emotional."

"I do not smell!"

I sat there and let them calm down. "Ok. Meeting's over. Emmett, I hope you're happy because you're in so much trouble."

Esme looked worried when they went upstairs. "What if I attack them?" she asked.

"You won't love; I have faith in your control."

"I'll have to ask Alice what to do then."

With that, she got of my lap and went to find Alice. This is going to be the longest two weeks in my entire existence.

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><p><strong>Pretty long chapter, I know you will get to meet the other family in the next one. Have a nice day!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, the 3rd chapter is up! I do not own either Twilight or Wife Swap. =(  
>This is for next week - I'm on a week's break.<strong>

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 3<span>**

**Jane POV**

"Mother, the mail's here!" Faith cried as she walked into the house. "Bring it here Faith. Thank you." She nodded and went off to do her homework. I skimmed through the mail quickly and found a brown envelope. I opened it and read the paper:

_Dear Mr Hill,_

_We are pleased to inform you that your entry for Wife Swap has been picked. The producers of the show will be around your house on Wednesday the 16th of May to take a few shots of your family. On the following day, a limousine will be coming to pick up Jane Hill. Mrs Hill will be swapping with the Cullen family from Bellingham, WA. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions._

_From,_

_The Wife Swap team_

Bellingham. I wonder what that's like. I for one have never heard of this place. Must be a rundown family. Kids on drugs and parents that don't care in the least.

I smiled to myself as I thought about this. This was exactly what I had join Wife Swap for. To show America my perfect family and to help those needy ones. _Because we are perfect._ I picked up the phone and called Thomas to tell him the good news.

"Hello Jane. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing wrong. We got accepted by Wife Swap!"

"Great, great. Look Jane, I have a meeting to get to. Can we talk about this when I get home?"

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye."

That was not the reaction I was hoping for but Thomas said he would discuss this when he came home so I was satisfied. I decided I would go and see how the kids were doing with their chores.

I went into the living room where Faith and David were cleaning the living room. They were nearly done. I waited till they were finished and told them of the good news.

"Children, we have been accepted into the show, Wife Swap. Since you have never watched that show before, I'll show you an episode."

I sat them down at the computer and showed them an episode I found on the web. After the episode ended, I asked them what they thought about it. "Sounds great." they both said.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

"How was your day Faith?" Thomas asked during dinner. "Good father." She replied. _Such a polite child._ Then, Thomas turned to our eldest child, David. "And how was your day David?"

"It was a good day. I got all my questions correct in our Math pop quiz."

Soon, talk turned to the Wife Swap show. "Well kids, what do you think of it?"

"I think that it's a wonderful opportunity for mother to help another family in need." Faith answered while David nodded to show that he agreed with his sister. After that, everyone finished up and the kids started to wash the dishes.

After they were done, Thomas and I gathered them in the living room and sat them on the couch. "We are going to show you the video that you're father made." The kids nodded at that. David placed the DVD into the DVD player and the video started.

**3rd Person POV**

The Hill's house came into view and Thomas proceeded to explain and point out the rooms in the house. Then the camera centered on Jane. "This is my wife Jane. She volunteers at the local soup kitchen and homeless shelter. She has signed us up onto Wife Swap to show America that we are the perfect family and to help a needy family." Jane smiled at her husband and he nodded back.

"This is my son; David. He aspires to one day be president of the country. He is a very popular boy especially with his friends from church. He is involved in many clubs and is part of his school's football team. David is also very good academically"

Then the camera centered on Faith. "This is my daughter Faith. She, like David is also a good student. She is also involved in many clubs and is the school's star debater. She one day would like to be a politician."

The camera shook as someone placed it down on a surface. Thomas's face appeared on the screen. "I am Thomas. I work as an architect and bring in money for the family. Please pick us as we feel that we could help the show and the other family."

Once the video had finished, Jane, Faith and David smiled at their father. "Good work Thomas. It's no surprised that they picked us." Jane said.

"Nice job father. It was very nice."

"I liked it."

Thomas nodded. "Well, that's that. You kids should go along and do your other chores." The kids nodded and left.

**Faith POV**

Why did they sign us up for this show? If my life wasn't bad enough, they had to do this. I wish they would listen to us for a change. I do wish that the new family will show mum and dad how to have a good time.

**David POV**

I hate this. And I hate mum for signing us up for this damm thing. Granted, I loved both my parents but sometimes they just didn't listen. Sure she signed on but did she ask us? No. Just went ahead and did it. Stupid. Stupid. As if my life wasn't sucky enough. Too bad dad's too much of a coward and a doormat to tell mum what's she's doing wrong. Such a pushover. I hope that the family that we're switching with gets whatever's stuck in mum's butt out.

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><p><strong>Bear with me. The swap starts at the fifth chapter. Enjoy!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**The fourth chapter is up! Enjoy. I own Twilight & Wife Swap... NOT!**

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 4<span>**

**Alice POV**

"They're coming." I told my family as we bustled around preparing for our human charade with the camera crew. "Okay guys, remember our story." Carlisle said.

"Yes Carlisle. You and Esme can't have kids so you decided to adopt instead. Edward and Nessie are siblings, Jazzy and Rosalie are twins and Sarah is their younger sister. Bella is Emmett's younger sister. I'm by myself. Jacob is the son of 'close' family friends and is staying with us. Ben and Andrew are brothers. We are all together… Well, except Ben." Carlisle nodded. "Good."

Just then, we could hear the cars coming up a few miles away. Everyone gathered around the front door. The doorbell rang and Esme opened the front door. We were all trying to hold our laughter in when the camera crew took one look at us and just looked shocked.

I heard Edward groan softly and knew what they were thinking about. Actually, I didn't want to know but it was sort of obvious with them ogling at us. Am I right Edward? He nodded and looked like he was in pain. The camera crew told us to just ignore us and behave normally.

For an entire hour and a half, our family was documented. Edward was filmed playing the piano with Bella watching. Jasper and Emmett were caught wrestling with each other while me and Rose were reading the latest fashion magazines. They even went into Carlisle's study to film him doing his paperwork. Needless to say, he wasn't very pleased with that.

"Ok, this is perfect. Remember that the limousine will be coming at 10 a.m. tomorrow to pick up Mrs. Cullen." The producer of the show said.

After they had left, I ran up to Esme. "Come on Esme, we have to pack your bags!" she gave a sigh, "Alice, I'm sure I can manage."

"No chance, Esme."

I dragged her upstairs to begin packing.

Esme POV

I leaned into Carlisle as we sat and read during the night. I had let Alice packed for me. She had begged and badgered me to do it until I had given in. Even Jasper had not been able to calm her.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

The next morning, my family was waiting outside of the house for the limousine to arrive. When it came, the boys helped load four suitcases into the trunk. "Alice, what did you pack?"

"Don't worry Esme, I had to downsize and only pack the essentials because Jasper convinced me to." I nodded and sent a wave of gratitude to Jasper. He nodded and smiled at me. As I hugged each and every one of them I told them, "Be on your best behavior and don't scare the new mom too much."

"Don't worry mummy. We won't" Emmett said. Somehow, I doubted that. "Don't worry Esme. We'll make sure Emmett doesn't go overboard." Edward reassured me. When I reached Carlisle, he gave me a hug that would have probably broken bones if I were still human. "I'll miss you." "I'll miss you too." I replied.

I got into the limousine and waved to my family until they were out of sight. Then I sat back and prepared for the longest two weeks of my entire existence.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

**Jane POV**

My family was getting ready for the limo to come and take me to the other family. I had told the children what to do. "You must be respectful to the new mother. If any of her rules get in the way of your activities, don't hesitate to ignore it ok?" Both of my kids nodded and replied, "Yes mother. We promise we'll be on our best behavior."

I said a quick goodbye to Thomas before getting into the limousine. I hope that the family I was going to was at least civil. I was probably going to a rundown house hold with the kids on drugs and such and the parents that are never around.

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><p><strong>Review!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! It's me again. This is the fifth chapter for CWS. **

**I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap.**

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 5<span>**

**Esme POV**

The limo finally pulled up to a normal two storied house. It was dull on the outside and as I opened the door, it was obvious that the inside was worse. The living room was a small place and the couches were so old I thought they might fall apart at any time.

The television had a lot of dust on it. So much that I knew it was almost never used. "Well, it's obvious that they hardly use the television set." I commented for the camera. I had found a picture of the family I would be staying with. There were two nice looking kids, a boy and a girl.

I went upstairs and went into one of the bedrooms. You wouldn't have known that it was a girl's room except for an exercise book on the table. The next room was just as dull and belonged to the boy. The next room I went into was the parents' bedroom and not wanting to intrude, I went out again. As I went down again to hunt for the manual I said, "The rooms are so dull. You wouldn't be able to learn anything about the person that owns it."

I found the manual on the kitchen bench. The kitchen was small and dull like the rest of the house. Boring. Alice would have a fit if she knew what it was like here. I opened the manual and read it.

_Dear New Mum,_

_ For the next two weeks, you will be replacing me, Jane Smith. From Monday through to Wednesday, I volunteer at the local homeless shelter from ten to twelve. During Thursdays and Fridays, I volunteer at the local soup kitchen – also from ten to twelve. I usually pick up the kids at three and then they have chores and activities to do. The schedule is on the fridge._

_ My husband, Thomas, works as an architect and leaves for work at eight in the morning. He comes back at seven in the evening. Thomas makes a lot of money but we don't believe in material things._

_He is usually busy at work so please, don't call him unless you have something impotent to ask or tell him._

_ My children were brought up to be very respectful and polite. They won't cause you any trouble. I have two children. My eldest, David is a senior at high school and plays football and is the star player and quarterback for his school. Faith is a junior at the same high school as David. She is part of the school's debating team. _

_ The children are not allowed to date and can only use the computer to do their school work – under my supervision of course. The dress code of this house is very simple. All clothes must not be revealing and pants or skirts must reach below the knee. No tight clothing, heels and plunging neck lines are to be worn. Shirts have to be buttoned all the way up and Faith's hair is supposed to be tied up and she is not allowed any make up. Books must be educational and only classical music is to be allowed. The TV is only used for half an hour during the weekends. Nothing must be ostentatious._

_ In case you were wondering, I am participating in this show to help a needy family. In this case, its yours. If you have any questions, feel free to ask Thomas._

_Enjoy,_

_Jane Smith_

"Needy?" I snorted, "Needy my foot. The only needy family around here is yours. This house seems more like a prison camp than a home."

Just then, I heard a car pulling up in the driveway. Walking over to the front door and opening it, I was greeted by the sight of a tall man – the father I'm guessing followed by two kids, a boy and a girl.

When they saw me, the first expression was shocked. "This can't be the new mum. She's too young." I heard the man say quietly to himself. As they were coming up to the house, the man's face had scorn on them while the kids just looked surprised. The father walked up to me and held out his hand.

"Hello, I'm Thomas and this is Faith and David. And you are…?"

"Esme." I said shaking hand with him, internally wincing "Esme Cullen. Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise."

I don't doubt that. We went inside the house and sat down in the living room. There was an awkward moment for a few minutes, then Thomas broke the silence.

"So Esme, would you like to tell us about your family?" I nodded. "My husband and I adopted eleven children." I smiled inwardly at their shocked expressions.

"There's Edward and Nessie who we adopted first, Alice was next, then Emmett and his younger sister Bella. After, there's Jasper and Rosalie – their twins and their younger sister, Sarah. Then came Jake and lastly Andrew and his younger brother Ben. Would you like to see their pictures?"

The kids nodded eagerly and even Thomas looked mystified. I suppose he's wondering why I adopted eleven children. _If only he knew._ I made a mental note to thank Alice for making me bring along the photographs. Of course she would know I needed them. The kids took the pictures into a corner and discussed over them. Thomas sat there for a few minutes. Then he asked me, "Eleven kids? How do you control them all? Most of them are teenagers."

I shrugged. "We raised them as polite and well behaved children. They are mature and good kids." Thomas nodded "I trust you have read the manual? The children will show you to your room. I have work to do. Excuse me."

With that, he walked off. I followed the kids to my room for the next two weeks. I thanked Faith and David and then started to unpack. _Emmett, what have you gotten us into this time?_

**Thomas POV**

I tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of me, but I couldn't. I leaned back and thought of the new mom – Esme. She was young, yes. But somehow I doubt that her children were as perfect as she made them out to be. Hopefully, she could help with the kids. Not that I didn't love Jane but she was extreme sometimes. I know she had a bad childhood but she didn't have to take it out on the kids all the time.

Now… how did Esme manage with eleven children? And with most of them teenagers. It was all very confusing.

**Faith POV**

I like Esme all ready. I just can't help it. She's just so likeable. I do hope she can help us out. Not that it'll do any good but at least it'll show mum and dad what a proper family is.

Esme must really love her kids. She's such a nice person. Their lucky children, getting to live with her. Come to think of it, they're all really good looking. I especially like the bronze hair boy; he's the best looking out of all his brothers. Esme said his name was Edward, kinda old name. But then again, most of their names sound really old fashion. Emmett sounds like a funny person too.

**David POV**

Esme's really beautiful – in an old fashioned kind of way. But then again, all her kids are too. I especially like the blonde one, what was her name again? Oh yeah, Rosalie – funny name. I'm sure Esme can get dad to convince mum to treat us better and maybe go a little easier.

Esme's adopted children are a lucky bunch. I'll bet they know it and actually appreciate her. I'd like to see how mum reacts when she finds out that the family she's swapping with aren't below us. Turns out, we're probably the needy ones.

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><p><strong>David, you have no idea how right you are. So, how did you find it? Good? Bad? <strong>

**Click. Blue. Button.**


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay but I was having a slight case of writer's block. So, this is the chapter where the new mum meets the Cullens. How will she fare? Read on to find out.

I do not own Twilight.

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 6<span>**

**Jane POV**

The ride to the other family's house was long. We passed by the town a few minutes ago. I thought about asking the driver if we were lost but decided against it. After all, the needy could be anywhere.

Just then, the driver took a sharp right and after a few more minutes, he pulled up in front of a huge house. _They call this a house? It's more like a mansion!_ I thought to myself. From the outside, it looked like it had four stories. From the looks of things, the father was a complete workaholic, the mother a drama queen with one or two kids that were spoiled brats.

I heard the cameramen clear his throat while I was standing there admiring the house. Opening the front door, I stepped in and was amazed at the interior of the house. It was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. For one thing, it was really spacious and beautiful.

"Well this is a surprise." I commented for the cameras. After standing there for what seemed like a few seconds but in reality, a few minutes, I wandered towards the living room. Going in there, I was shocked. The living room was a spacious place. There was a floor to ceiling window that replaced two walls. If it was a restoration, it was perfect. There was a TV hooked to the wall. Along with that, there were many game consoles that I had no idea even existed.

"Look at all of this! Why they have this many games is beyond me."

Wandering along, I found a grand piano on a stand. It was in perfect condition. It might have just been purchased. Continuing my exploration, I found a staircase and went up. At the top of the stairs, there was a plain white door. Opening it, I saw that it was a plain, undecorated room. _This should be the guest room._ Moving down the corridor, there was another door. Opening it, I was greeted with a study. Guessing that it was the father's, I went out again. Opposite it was another door. This was another study. Not wanting to intrude, I once again went out. Continuing on, there was another door. This one held an art room inside. It was filled with paint materials and paintings. At the end of the hallway, there was a door painted light blue. Inside looked like a photograph development room. _What is with these people?_

Moving upstairs, there was a room that said, 'Keep out Blonde!' on its door. Opening it, I was greeted with the sight of clothes everywhere and a terrible stench. _Why is the owner so messy and smelly?_ Walking along the corridor, there was another room. _At least this one's clean._ It looked like a young girl's room although some of the reading material looked to advance for her. Next door was a more classical room with music CDs and books everywhere. It looked like a teenager's room. Opening the closet, I saw that it contained both male and female clothing. _Now this is just weird._

Opposite of the musical room was another teenager's room. This one had a gun mounted on the wall. The rebel flag was hung next to it. _Weapons of violence should not be allowed in the house._ There were also many make up items on the dresser. The closet was also packed with both male and female items of clothing. The next room was also another teenager's room. _Just how many children are in this crazy house?_ There were fashion magazines on the bed and once again, clothing of both gender appeared in the closet.

"Are there people a bunch of cross dressers?"

Walking out of there, I noticed two more doors down the hallway. The first door had a name spelled out with wooden alphabets. The sign said 'Ben's room'. _Must be another teenager…_ In it instead, was a young boy's room – from the looks of things. Next door was a room that had paper and other stuff everywhere. Instead of exploring, I marched straight to the closet closely followed by the cameramen. Pulling it open revealed just what I had thought. Male and female clothes.

"This is unbelievable!" I ranted to the camera. "Do these kids have some kind of gender confusion?"

The last room was more matured in taste. _I'm guessing this is the parents' bedroom._ On the was a photograph. It looked like it was taken just recently. The woman I was replacing had caramel curls and was flawless to look at. She was beautiful without even trying.

As I made to go down, the cameramen pointed me to another staircase. "These people must be very energetic walking up and down like this." I said. Upstairs was a single room with games everywhere.

"This is beyond unbelievable."

Walking back downstairs, I noticed that the stair wall was decorated with pictures. I stopped at one, the people in the picture were perfect. There was a blonde man with the mum I was replacing, a honey blonde haired boy with a short black haired girl, a brown haired girl and a bronzed hair boy, a long blonde with a muscular boy, a dirty blonde girl and a dark haired boy. There was also a tanned tall boy and a little boy and girl. It had to be and exaggeration. No one can be that perfect. _Can they? _

Once downstairs, I found the back door, outside was a garden that was neatly kept. Then I went into the garage. There were many cars in the garage and four spaces where missing. _Who needed that many cars?_

"These people are either seriously rich or are in serious debt."

Going back into the kitchen, I found the manual on the table top.

_Dear New Mum,_

_ My husband and I have adopted eleven children._

"Eleven children! These people must be crazy."

_Eight of them attend the local high school. Jake goes to the local collage and I homeschool Nessie while Ben is allowed to do whatever he wants._

_ My husband, Carlisle, is a doctor at the local hospital. He usually leaves around seven in the morning and comes back at ten at night. Because Carlisle earns a lot of money, I do not have to work. So, I stay at home and take care of the children._

_We first adopted Edward; seventeen and Renesmee or Nessie as we call her; eleven followed by Jasper and Rosalie – both eighteen and their younger sister Sarah; seventeen. Isabella or Bella as she likes to be known as; seventeen and her elder brother Emmett; eighteen came shortly after. Alice; seventeen was the eight to be adopted. Jacob is twenty and stays with us as he lost both his parents in an accident. Lastly, is Andrew; seventeen and Ben; three._

_ Edward likes to play the piano and listen to music. Nessie and Bella like to read – as with Jasper. Rosalie and Sarah like to work on cars and Jake also does to. Sarah also likes to carve wooden sculptors. Rosalie and Alice like to shop while Emmett likes to play pranks on other people. Ben does not have any particular hobby and usually just follows me around the house when I'm doing the housework. Andrew enjoys playing the violin and taking photographs. He also plays an variety of other instruments._

_ My children were brought up as nice, polite and well-mannered and matured children. I and Carlisle allow them to date. Growing up together however, they are currently all together with the exception of Jake. There's Edward and Bella, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper and Sarah and Andrew. _

"Dating your own siblings, that's wrong!"

_I do not enforce rules as I believe that the children learn from their mistakes. The children drive themselves to and from school. While they are at school, I clean the house. Nessie's lessons starts at ten in the morning and ends at two in the afternoon with an hour off for brakes. Ben does not go to kindergarten but instead plays around and sometimes accompanies Nessie to her lessons. Currently, Andrew and Sarah are in England attending a boarding school there. Ben is staying with a close relative in England to. The three of them should be back tomorrow._

_ We do not have any proper sit-down family meals as the children can never agree on what to eat. So, we usually just grab anything we want. After school, the children do whatever they want as they have no chores and no after school activities. The children also share rooms with their boyfriend/girlfriend._

"Sharing rooms! This is an outrage, who knows what goes on behind the doors."

_I advise you, for your sanities sake to keep Rosalie and Jake away from each other. Even though Jasper looks like he's in pain, don't worry; he's not. If you have any questions, feel free to ask Carlisle about it._

_Good luck,_

_Esme Cullen_

"Eleven children, and eight of them teenagers. These people _are_ crazy."

Going into the living room to wait for the family to arrive, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was an hour later and the Cullen's still hadn't shown up. They were late, how unsurprising.

Just then, I heard a car pull up in the driveway. _Finally!_ Walking up and flinging open the front door, I saw a black Mercedes with tinted windows, followed by a silver Volvo. After a few seconds, a motorbike appeared. The driver was really tanned and muscular. After that, a yellow Porsche came up. I stood there, arms folded across my chest frowning.

Getting out of the first car was a blonde god who didn't look a day over 30. Three people got off the Volvo, the first a bronze haired boy who helped out a brown haired girl. From the back of the car came a younger girl who had the same bronze shade of hair as the boy. From the Porsche came a small pixie like girl, a tall beautiful blonde, a big burly boy – if that's what you would like to call him. There was also a tall blonde boy.

The Cullens formed a group behind the first man. The tall blonde god-like man walked up to me and held out his hand, "Hello, I'm sorry we're late. We had a few things to clear up." I nodded coldly; I would not like these people. They were below me, no matter how good looking they were. After an awkward few seconds, the father – I'm presuming withdrew his hand. Anger flashed in his eyes for a few seconds.

"Very well, why don't we go in and introduce ourselves then." He said and the children trooped inside quietly whispering among themselves. They sounded angry about something. I shut the door behind them and went to the living room. There was only a plain brown chair left. After making myself comfortable, I looked around the room. The children were sitting at various places in the living room and I noticed, that no one sat at the seats near me. They were all as far away as the room allowed.

"I am Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family." said the god before me. _Ahh… so perfection had a name._ The bronze haired boy snickered and looked away. _What's wrong with him?_ Mr Cullen looked at the boy who had just laughed then with an amused look. "I am Jane Smith; the new mother who will be here for the next two weeks. You may all call me Mrs. Smith. I hope you know how fortunate you children are that I am here to help you." All of the sudden, the kids got up and started yelling profanities at the top of their lungs.

Carlisle raised his hand and they all kept quiet at once. "Sit down please children." _Yeah, like that will help._ To my utmost surprise, they did sit down and keep quiet. Then, Carlisle continued, "Very well Mrs. Smith, we shall indeed call you Mrs. Smith but I must ask you to address me as Dr. Cullen." I nodded and the doctor motioned to the bronze haired boy. "Hello," he said, "I'm Edward."

"Isabella, but I prefer to be called Bella." said the brown haired girl next to Edward. "I'm Nessie but since I can only call you Mrs. Smith you can only call me Renesmee." The young girl said. _Why is she so rude?_ "Hello, my name's Jacob. The other's call me Jake - " he was cut off mid-sentence by something the blonde girl said. Carlisle gave her a look and she just looked away angrily. The burly boy was comforting her. "You can call me Jacob." Jacob finished with a glare at the girl who glared back.

Just then, the short pixie piped up, "I'm Alice." "Jasper." said the honey blonde haired boy.

"Rosalie." Jasper's twin said coldly. Before I could ask her what her problem was, I was swept of my feet into a bone-crushing hug. "Hello new mummy! I'm Emmett." said the muscular boy as he hugged me. "Emmett, out her down." cried out several voices simultaneously. "Fine…" Emmett said and let me go.

I sat down to catch my breath from that hug just then. Carlisle motioned to the kids that they could go and they trooped out of the living room and went upstairs without saying another word. Carlisle waited until they were gone then got up too.

"Excuse me Mrs. Smith, I have work to do. Fell free to use the kitchen to make your dinner. We have already ate."

When he was upstairs, I wandered into the kitchen in search of something to eat. It was going to a long two weeks.

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><p><strong>Mwahhahaha! So, what did you think?<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Twilight**

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 7<span>**

**Esme POV**

The next morning, I 'woke up' at six in the morning and went downstairs to cook breakfast for the children. Downstairs, Faith and David were in a frantic rush preparing breakfast. "What are you guys cooking?" I asked them. They looked at me "Eggs and bacon." said David. Sorry if we woke you up." added Faith. I waved it off.

"Don't worry, I usually get up at this time too."

They nodded and continued their chore. Thomas came down just then and sat down at the table.

"What smells nice?" he asked. _Nice?_ It smells terrible but then again, I'm not human. The children served our food and sat down at the table with theirs. "So Esme, you know Jane's usual schedule right?" Thomas asked after a few silent minutes of eating. I nodded, "Drop the kids of at school. Come back and do a bit of cleaning. Go to the local homeless shelter from ten to twelve and pick up the kids at three. Did I get everything?" Thomas nodded looking speechless and amazed. Darn, was I not supposed to remember everything?

"Well then, I'll be leaving for work." he said and I nodded. "Goodbye father, have a nice day." the children said. He nodded and went out the door. I watched as the kids finished up their breakfast and wash the dishes. It was sad how they were treated. Children should be allowed their own freedom and not be pushed around like slaves.

After sending the children of to school, I went back to the house. I had to go to the homeless shelter so I left at nine thirty. I reached there with ten minutes to spare and with nothing else to do, I started to help. I could see why Jane decided to volunteer here. It was heart-warming to see the people smile and laugh. A little boy thanked me for helping him fix his toy and ran off to play.

The rest of the day past by quickly and soon, it was already twelve. After saying goodbye to the people at the homeless shelter, I went back to the house to have a bit of a 'break'. At two thirty, I went off to pick the kids from school. When I reached there, I noticed that David had cuts and bruises and Faith looked like she was about to cry. I noticed that there were a group of kids laughing at something. I suppose that they were laughing at poor David and Faith. _Teenagers these days…_

I looked at the kids. "What happened?" I asked. They shook their heads sadly. "Nothing." They replied in unison. All right, so they didn't want to talk about it. _I'll have to find out myself then._ We got home without anyone saying a thing during the entire car ride. I dropped them off at their clubs for the afternoon. David had football practice and Faith had violin lessons.

At five, I picked up the kids from their clubs. I went to get Faith first. She seemed happier than before, she chatted to me the whole way through. David came in from football practice and he too, joined in the conversation. They talked about their everyday school life and the clubs they joined.

"So, would you like me to change anything?" I asked them. They nodded. "I really don't like football. Could I instead join the soccer club Esme?" David said.

"Can I quit the debating team Esme?"

"What about the chess club? Can I stop going too?"

"Can I stop learning the violin?"

"All right. I'll try to fit it all in during rule change." I said with a smile.

When we got home, the kids went off to do their chores. I was thinking of what had happened this morning. I would talk to David after dinner. Right now, the kids were preparing dinner for us.

During dinner, Thomas asked the kids a few questions. The way that they responded told me that they were asked this every day. After dinner, the kids cleaned up and I wandered into my bedroom to read a book that Alice had packed for me. _What's wrong with this family?_

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><p><strong>And...Cut. Next Chapter is coming up next week.<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys, chapter 8 is up! I do not own Twilight. **

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 8<span>**

**Jane POV**

I was woken up at eleven at night to a loud crashing noise and a few whispers outside my room door. Getting up angrily and flinging open the door, I was greeted with the sight of Emmett and Jasper trying to piece together a broken vase. "What have you done?" I asked them. "And where's your father?" They didn't even look up when they answered me.

"At the hospital, duh."

"Why isn't he back yet? He was supposed to be back an hour ago."

"Car – Dad's probably caught up in surgery or something."

"Well, why aren't you in bed and where are the rest of your siblings?"

Jasper opened his mouth to say something but Emmett beat him to it. "Woman," he said, "Why do you need to know. We didn't do anything wrong have we? Here. You're supposed to be cleaning up after us." with that, he ran off with Jasper close behind him, the both of them leaving the pieces of the vase on the floor.

I groaned as I went back to bed. These children were monsters. No, they were worse. They were the devil's children themselves. I suddenly felt very tired and drifted of to sleep.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

I was once again woken. This time by a soft rap at my door. Carlisle opened the door. "Mrs. Smith, Esme's usually awake by now. She would wake up the kids after. Just a knock on their doors will do." I nodded and he left. I heard a car start after a few seconds and go out of the driveway. Groaning, I walked up the stairs to wake the little brats up.

I went to up the stairs to the first room. It was Jacob's I presume. He didn't answer the first knock and I was starting to get frustrated at him when the door of the room two doors down was opened. Isabella stuck her head out of it. "Jake and Nessie wake up at nine." I nodded and she ducked back into her room.

I skipped Isabella and Edward's room and went to the one on the opposite of it. I rapped on it and the door flew open presenting a smiling Alice. "We're just getting ready. We'll be down in a few minutes." She said and without waiting for an answer, she closed the door again. I knocked on the door of the next room and heard a muffled, "We're just getting ready." from inside. Walking downstairs, I went into the living room to wait for the kids.

They piled into the living room and started to do their own stuff. After ten minutes, I went back into the living room and said, "Children, its time for you to go to school." They ignored me and went on doing their own activities. "Hello, you guys have this thing called school to go to." This time they looked at me; Rosalie was the one to answer for them.

"Hag, we always go whenever we want."

"How dare you talk to me like that? Just wait until Carlisle comes back. I'll tell him what happened, you little brat!" Rosalie snorted and got up. "I'm going." She announced. "Away from this _hag_." She said the last part with a sneer. With that, she stalked off with the rest of her siblings in tow.

I heard two cars start and speed out of the driveway. I gave a loud sigh and turned around to be greeted by an angry looking Renesmee and Jacob. "Why'd you have to go and piss of Rose?" Renesmee asked me. "Yeah, you piss of one of us, the rest of us get mad too." Jacob added. Renesmee nodded besides him.

"Anyways, I've gotta go to. Andrew, Sarah and Ben should be coming back today. See ya Ness." Jacob said while running out of the door. Looks like it's just Renesmee and me. "Well, let's get started on your lessons then." I said. The little brat ignored me and instead went upstairs to her room.

**Nessie POV**

The old hag had just pissed Aunt Rose off. I hate her. Why did we agree to let Emmett sign us up for Wife Swap? Oh dear, Uncle Andrew, Aunt Sarah and Benny's going to be so shocked when they find out. Which reminds me, they're coming back today.

I think I have found my excuse to not study today.

**Third Person POV**

The dark haired boy sat back and closed his eyes. His fingers were moving to the imaginary music as he composed a melody in his head. His young son was curled up on the seat next to him sleeping. It wouldn't be long before they got back. They were in the middle of town.

Just a few more minutes, then what? What would he tell them? Heck, how could he tell them? Esme would be devastated if she knew. Edward would find out. He was a mind reader but he could be persuaded to keep the secret. Alice would already have known. He was sure that his sister wouldn't tell anyone. Bella and Rosalie would of course be sad, but not as sad as Esme. Carlisle and Jasper wouldn't like to know about it. Emmett would sulk for a few days but then would be back to his usual happy self. And Edward, well what would Edward say?

It was his fault; he should have never left. But then again, she had asked him to go. She had even pushed him out of the door and told him to leave until he had picked up Ben from kindergarten. When they got back, there was nobody there. _At least she left a song for us._

His eyes flicked open revealing them a light pale blue colour. He softly shook awake his son. "Come on Ben. We're home." The young boy woke up and stretched. Getting out of the already open car door while pulling his stuffed teddy bear behind him, "Come on Mr Tedsworth, I want to see grandpa and grandma and the uncles and aunts and Nessie and Jakey again!" Ben was running towards the front door. His father, getting the suitcases out of the trunk was smiling at his son's enthusiasm.

**Jane POV**

I heard a car drive away and went back to the front door. As I was walking there, I heard the doorbell go numerous times without stoping. I heard voices outside.

"Stop that Ben, you're going to ruin the door bell."

"But I'm so excited! I get to play with Emmy, Allie, Rosie, Bellsie, Jazzy, Eddie, Jakey and Nessie again." A younger voice cried with what I imagined a pouty face.

I opened the door to two surprised faces at the door. The older boy had dark hair and icy blue eyes. The younger boy had the same shade of dark hair but his blue eyes were a darker colour than what I presumed to be his elder brother.

"This is the Cullen's house right?" he asked and I nodded. He had a look of total confusion on his face but the younger boy; Ben bounced into the house calling for Renesmee. She came down the stairs and gave a squeal of delight. "You're back! Did you bring anything for me from England?" she asked excitedly as she ran into the older one's arms.

"Yeah 'course I did Nessie. Don't I always?"

The young girl nodded excitedly. "Can I have it?" she asked and at the shake of the head she pouted, "Aww… Come on Andrew. Just a peek?" "Nope." Andrew replied popping his 'p'. Just then Renesmee must have noticed something because she slid down from Andrew and looked at the still open door.

"Where's Sarah?" she asked and the two boys looked anywhere else besides Renesmee. She looked angry for a moment then she just looked sad. Andrew stared at nothing in particular and the look on his younger sister's face turned to one of shock. Ben just looked sad.

"I'm sorry Ness, it was my fault." I heard Andrew apologize as he walked upstairs carrying the suitcases.

_(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)_

It was six when the brat pack came back from school. "Where have you been?" I asked them putting on my scariest face. They took one look at it and laughed. Loud crashing sound from upstairs made all the kids rushed upstairs. There were cries of "You're back!"

"How have you been?"

"It's good to see you again."

Then the question everyone was asking, "Where's Sarah?"

I was about to go up and tell them all to stop making such a racket when the front door opened again. This time, it was Carlisle and he didn't seem surprised to hear all the noise. _Maybe he was used to it?_ He greeted me with a quick hello and said, "I take it from all the noise that Andrew, Sarah and Ben are back?" I nodded and followed him to the third floor where all the noise was coming from.

When we reached there, the strangest sight I have ever seen greeted us. The closet and drawers were flung open and Andrew was going around packing stuff into the many boxes on the floor. The rest of the Cullen children were standing at the doorway watching in silence as their brother carefully placed stuff in the boxes like they were fragile.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. He glared at me, "What does it look like lady? Do I look like I'm _un_packing things?" Carlisle stepped forward. "Son," he asked "What happened and where's Sarah."

"Sarah's in England. She wanted to stay." came back the reply. Carlisle merely nodded in response and told us that he would be working in his study and to not disturb him. The children drifted off after a few minutes and only Andrew, Ben and me were left.

"Can I help you?" he asked looking up finally. I glared at him, "No. You cannot in anyway help me." "Then get out." I looked at him in amazement.

"Excuse me?"

Andrew waved his hand in dismissal. "Go on, you're excused. So shove it."

I huffed and went to find Carlisle in his study. As I reached the hallway, I saw Edward coming out of the door. I waited until he was gone then proceeded to knock on the door. "Come in." I heard him say. I entered and he looked up. "Can I help you Mrs. Smith. Take a seat."

"Yes. What is wrong with Andrew?" I asked while sitting down on one of the chairs provided. He just nodded sympathetically, "He exploded didn't he?" At my nod, he continued, "Andrew has had a rough childhood. He is somewhat like Rosalie and Jasper. They find it very hard to open up and trust people. Give him a few days. He'll probably warm up to you by then." I nodded.

"Is that all that you would like to know?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you." I said and walked out of the room. _Just what is with this family?_

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><p><strong>To clear things up, Andrew and Sarah are mates and Ben is their son. All three of them are hybrids. Ben's power is to bring tings to life and Andrew's is to copy the power of others. Sarah was killed while in England so she is 'staying' there. <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Twilight.**

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 9<span>**

**Esme POV**

I 'woke up' the next morning to whispers outside my door.

"I want to wake her."

"No, me."

I gave a soft sigh and decided to settle the argument for them. I opened the door with a smile. "Good morning children." I said "Good morning Esme." came back the reply.

"It's nearly breakfast time." David said and Faith nodded behind him. I smiled at them, "Alright, I'll be down in a few minutes." They nodded and walked off. _Well, at least they seem happier today._ I wondered what happened yesterday, it was just strange. After what I deemed an appropriate amount of time for humans to get changed, I went down into the kitchen.

The kids already had breakfast on the table. I sat down and waited for Thomas to show up. He had a habit of being late to the table. He showed up after a few minutes. We ate the meal in silence. Thomas ate his food up fast and left for work. Emmett was going to get it from me when I get back. I dropped the kids of at school and went back home.

As I was driving, I remembered the talk I had with David yesterday. He told me that there were a group of mean kids in his school. They made fun of Faith and David. Alice had texted me a few minutes after that, she said to get Faith new clothes and makeup. David too would need new clothes. Theirs were too old for them.

The rest of the day was routine. Today, I dropped the kids and went to the homeless shelter. I would have to change the schedule during rule change. The family's daily routine was so predictable I found that I was only half paying attention to the world around me. I picked up the kids and dropped them off at their activities.

At home, I 'accidently' did the children's chores. They had way too many things to do at home. It's a wonder how the both of them found time to do their own things. Today, I had to help the kids with their homework. I also had to change what the family ate everyday. It was the same week in, week out, and even if I wasn't human and their food really didn't appeal to me, I knew the kids were sick of it. It was plain on their faces every night.

I hope that the new mom wasn't treating the kids like a five year olds, she would regret ever doing that. Especially to Rosalie and Bella. Andrew, Sarah and Ben were supposed to come back yesterday. Knowing Emmett, he was already planning a few pranks to play on the new mom. Jasper and Andrew would of course be willing helpers as with the rest of their siblings.

Looking at the clock, I had to go and pick the kids. They jumped into the car and chatted all the way home. Today, I had to help them with their homework. It was quite easy really. I helped David with his history assignment on the Civil War. Jasper would love that one. Faith had Biology homework and after they finished their homework, I gave both of them a book. I gave David 'Mister Monday', the first book in the Keys to the Kingdom series and I gave Faith 'Vampire Academy'. Trust Alice to know that I would need the books.

The kids loved the books. They thanked me for it and went off to put them in their rooms. After that, they came down to prepare dinner. Thomas came back from work and sat down at the table waiting to be served. It was shameful really, how the kids were treated. Come rule change, the parents would be helping around the house more. Both David and Faith too, would be getting plenty of free time to do whatever they wanted. They would like that. Tomorrow, I would be bringing Faith to shop for some new clothes. David too, needed some new clothes.

Tonight, I would draw up a chart or something for the rule change. It was all to drab with this family. Speaking of drab, I would have to renovate the house. The outside paint was peeling out and everything was falling apart.

Satisfied with my plans, I settled down to read for the night.

**Thomas POV**

Esme sure has changed a lot of things around here. The kids look happier these days. I was rarely around but I knew that things were going very well for both David and Faith. Maybe, just maybe, she would like to stay here after the show. Surely her husband wouldn't mind. From what I've heard, he's never around too.

I should really ask her about that. Or maybe not.

**Faith POV**

Esme and her family are really nice people. I had trouble with my violin lessons and one of her adopted sons helped via email. What was his name again, Andrew, I think. He showed me what I was doing wrong. The song sounded better now and even David said so.

Esme's going to take me shopping tomorrow. David might have told her about Amy, her idiotic big brother and their gang. Either that or she noticed that our clothes were _way_ too old for us. I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

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><p><strong>The blue button below demands your attention.<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys. I'm back! Sorry for the long delay and thank you all for your patience.  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 10<strong>

**Jane POV**

Today, I was following the little devils to school. Jacob was taking off from college to take care of Renesmee and Benjamin. Today was the day that I would get to see how the Cullens were at school – not that I thought they would be any good at it. From the looks of things at home, they were probably failing every class.

I walked down to the living room to find that the brats were there already. They ignored me and continued doing their own things. I cleared my throat and tapped on the ground with my stick. This caused them to look up and burst out laughing. "What do you want lady?" Emmett asked.

"I will be following you to school today." I announced

"Yeah, good luck with that." Rosalie said and her siblings snickered. I tapped my stick on the ground. "Young lady, I will not stand for this kind of behaviour." I put on my scariest face when I said that. They just started laughing their heads off. _Why aren't they scared?_ Faith and David were always scared when I did that. "Ooh. That's real scary lady." Andrew said.

"What are you going to do? Scare us to death?" Alice added.

"Come on guys. Let's go." Jasper said.

They filled out of the front door. "Come on old lady! We'll be dead by the time you get here." One of them yelled out from the garage and the rest of them were laughing their heads off. I huffed and went out to the garage. "You're supposed to follow us lady." Andrew said. I nodded and climbed in the passenger seat. Before I had the chance to put on my seatbelt, the mini demon had already shot out of the driveway. I took a look at the dashboard and saw that he was way past the speed limit.

"Slow down!" I yelled at him. He just cackled evilly. "In your flipping dreams lady."

His siblings were just laughing and encouraging him.

"Come on Andrew! You can't let Rosalie win again." cried Isabella.

"Cut right, then over take that ute." Edward said.

Andrew nodded and if possible, went even faster._ They're street racing! Do their parents even know? _We reached the school in record time and after a few seconds, a red BMW pulled up next to the pest's car. Andrew was laughing as he got out of the car. "Pay up Em." He said to his elder brother. I had a suspicion that he was on steroids. I was still shaking from the car ride when I realised that the children had already gone into the school. I went in after them.

**Andrew POV**

I was waiting outside the office for that crazy human life form who calls herself Jane to arrive. I had only spent eighteen hours, fifteen minutes, five seconds and counting and I already felt like ripping her head off. Edward and the rest of them had already ducked off to their respective classes and while I was waiting there, students passed by. They kept glancing over and I couldn't help but probe their minds.

Modern humans were an interesting bunch.

_He's cute. Wonder if he has a girlfriend._

_If he goes near Angi, I'll kick him._

_Oh good, a new kid to beat up._

_Perhaps I could introduce myself…_ I shuddered at that one. The mental picture was extremely traumatising. Finally, the woman arrives looking very lost. I stood up and went into the office.

The receptionist was busy typing something. She glanced up and put in what I supposed was a charming expression. "Hello, can I help you?" she asked. I nodded and stepped forward.

"Hello Mrs Willams. I am Andrew."

"Andrew…?"

"Cullen. Andrew Cullen." She at once gave me her full attention. "Mr Cullen. Can I help you with _anything_?" she said while emphasizing the last word. Smith must have heard it too because she was thinking about how sick-minded the receptionist was. _If only you knew…_

"Mrs Williams, I would like my schedule please." I said and pointed to the sad excuse for a human being. "And one for her too. We are currently taking part in Wife Swap and Mrs Smith here is our replacement mother."

Mrs Willams nodded and handed us our schedule. "Amazing. Flipping amazing." I muttered under my breath. I had all but one class with the wicked witch of the west. _Or was that the east?_ The Wizard of Oz had always confused me anyway. _Damn that bloody receptionist._

**Jane POV**

I heard the royal brat muttered under his breath. I was about to tell him not to mumble when he just walked off leaving me behind. I followed a few feet behind him as we made our way to class. The first class was Calculus.

Ahh… Calculus. I was very good at in school. I'm sure that the Cullens would be terrible in it judging from their behaviours at home. Walking into the class, we were greeted by stares from everyone except the Cullens. Andrew entered the class without a second glance at the other kids and handed his slip to the teacher.

After, he walked straight to the back of the classroom without even looking at an empty seat next to a blonde. He nodded to his siblings and sat down next to Jasper. For the remainder of the lesson, the Cullens stayed quiet only speaking when they were asked a question.

When the bell went, the Cullens were out of the class before the rest of the students. I followed Andrew to his to his classes. He ignored the stares and whispers that we were getting but I could tell that it was really getting on his nerve. It was only during English class when things came to a head. The other teachers had tried to get Andrew to introduce himself to the class but he always refused.

Mr Hill, the English teacher had asked the boy to introduce himself. The little brat had said no and his face had turned red. It was quite obvious that he was not used to being told no. "What?" he thundered. "You heard me. No. I absolutely refuse to introduce myself to the class."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. And my word is my law."

I decided to interrupt. The boy had gone too far this time.

"Andrew. Listen to the teacher." I said using my scariest voice. He only rolled his eyes and gave an amused snort.

"Stay out of this lady. _You_ are only here to observe."

Mr Hill glared at Andrew. "Boy! You just earned yourself a detention." he roared. This only served to further amuse the boy. He stood up, walked right up to Mr Hill and said, "Mr Hill. Do you have any idea who I am?" The class was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The students were all holding their breaths, obviously waiting for their teacher to explode.

"Cullen. I'll let you off with a warning this time. Next time it happens however, I'll see you in the principal's office."

Andrew snorted and sat back in his place. For the rest of the lesson, he sat there and scribbled on a piece of paper. When the bell rang, he dashed out of class without saying a word. I followed Edward and Isabella to Biology. The teacher ignored them for the entire lesson. _Seriously, it's like these kids are invisible or something. _Edward suddenly smiled and said something to Isabella and she smiled to.

After lunch, I had gym with all the Cullens. Amazingly, they didn't look tired out after the lesson even though they had ran five laps around the school's huge gym and played a basketball match. Then I had cooking class with all the Cullens again. They made their own pasta with what Emmett called 'Em – made – tomato sauce' to their credit, it was nice. During the last period, I had music with Andrew. He had brought his violin along with him to school.

Apparently, today was the day that the students were supposed to play their own compositions with their chosen instruments. Amazingly, the mini – devil had also brought along his own composition. Mr Lee, the teacher looked really doubtful that the boy could play it. It looked complicated and hard.

"Alright Andrew," Mr Lee said sitting down. "You may begin anytime."

Said person nodded, put the violin to his chin and began playing.

It was beautiful. Everyone was spell bounded and I believe Mr Lee was crying. After the song ended, the kids in the class burst out cheering and wiping their eyes or noses.

**Andrew POV**

I was playing it! The song Sarah wrote and left for us and I was playing it. _Alright chill Andrew. Nothing to be excited about._ As I played, I read the thoughts of the people in the classroom. _'It's so beautiful'_, was Mr Lee's thought. The rest of the class and the old lady were somewhere around the same lines too.

**Edward POV**

I heard Andrew playing the violin somewhere in school. My siblings could hear it too, I know because Emmett was sobbing on the inside.

_Sarah wrote it, you know._

Andrew projected that thought to our heads. _Well, it's beautiful._ I thought back. After a minute, it stopped. Bella, sitting next to me let down her shield. _Sarah sure knows how to write a heartbreaking song._ I nodded in response. When the bell rang, we grabbed our stuff and were out of the classroom.

**Jane POV**

Edward and Isabella were already waiting at the car by the time we got there. Andrew nodded to his siblings and got in followed by the other two. I got in the passenger seat and the car shot out of the parking lot before I could make myself comfortable. _I'm going to have to fix this. _I thought as we speed all the way back to the devils' den.

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><p><strong>And that's it. The link to Sarah's song is at my profile.<br>NOTE: I did not write the song - I just found it.  
>QUESTION: If you could wish for something, what would it be?<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 11<strong>

**Esme POV**

Today was the day when I would take the kids to get some new clothes. After school, I picked them up and dropped them off at their respective clubs. They seemed excited today. I suppose it's because they were getting something new today.

After their extra-curricular activities, I dropped of David at home and brought Faith along to the shopping mall. I got her a new haircut which she liked very much – thank you Alice – and after, we went for ice cream. I also bought new clothes for Faith and David. Tomorrow, I would see that the house was renovated.

We went back home and Thomas was surprised at Faith's new look. Even David said he liked it very much. He also thanked me for getting him new clothes.

David POV

Esme's such a nice person. She bought me an Arsenal jersey – now how did she know about that? She also got Faith a new haircut. I must say that it suited her very much. Esme told us that tomorrow; she would be getting someone to renovate the house. The outside was going to be white again.

**Faith POV**

Today was the best day of my life! Esme brought me shopping and got me a new haircut, clothes and ice cream. After, we visited a bookstore and Esme bought me a book. She must be really rich or something.

**Thomas POV**

I watched as my kids ate dinner. They seemed happier than they have been for years. Esme had a discussion with me yesterday and I agreed that the house needed to be renovated. She said that she would only do the outside. It was our choice if we wanted to renovate the inside but I thought that it was fine.

**Esme POV**

I sat there and ate the human food slowly. I wasn't in any rush, it was disgusting to me and I had to throw it back up when the cameras had left the house and Thomas and the kids were asleep. And I had to do it silently. I wonder how the new mother was going back at home.

From what I got in the family rule book, she was controlling and expected to be obeyed. _Well, we'll see if she can handle the kids and their pranks._ I thought to myself as I sat there and ate. With Andrew and Sarah and Ben back from England, she should have an even tougher time keeping them in check. Emmett, I was sure, would be plotting pranks and using Nessie and Ben as bait. The others would be glad to help. _Maybe more than glad in some cases._

When we were finished with dinner, Thomas went to his study to work and I had to help Faith with her homework. David was still in the kitchen washing up. After, he joined us with his homework in the living room. His history class was studying the great potato famine of Ireland in 1845 – 1852. Now Andrew would be very interested with that. I'm pretty sure he was in Ireland when that happened. Faith was doing her Math work and I helped her with some questions that she did not know.

After, the kids sat down to read the books that I gave them the day before. I sat across from them and read the newspaper. I had to read it at a human pace which to me was _very_ slow.

**David POV**

I like the book that Esme gave me. It was very interesting. Hopefully, mum doesn't take it away. I'll see if Nelson has the second one. I may have to hide this book if mum's going to take it away. _Where should I put it?_ Somewhere where she'll probably never look would be a good choice. Maybe I should just give it away?

_Nah… _

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><p>Chapter 12 will probably be uploaded next month.<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! Back again with another chapter.  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 12<span>**

**Jane POV**

I woke up feeling tired. The devils had stayed up all night yesterday. Carlisle was always away at work and I guessed that was why the kids were so undisciplined. Yesterday, I woke up on the roof. Today, nothing had happened. Yet…

**Emmett POV**

Yesterday's prank was AWSOME! Rule change was near however but I, Emmett the Great will prevail over that… thing. "Emmett." Edward said, "She's a person."

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed with a snort, "A sad excuse for a person."

"Don't worry Rose. We'll find some other pranks to unleash on her." Alice said. "Right Emmett?"

"Right."

"Speak of the devil." Andrew muttered as… _What was her name again? Jump? Jingo? Cane? Its cane right?_ Came into the living room. At this point Edward and Andrew were laughing their heads off. Woman just stared at them like they were crazy. Which they probably were.

**Jane POV**

Really, what was wrong with these children? Come rule change, I'll make them see a counsellor and bring them to church. That should teach them a thing or two. Taking a look at the clock, I realised that the children were late for school. "You should be at school by now." I told them.

"State the obvious much woman? We were just going." Andrew said.

"Yup. Anytime soon." Jasper added.

They just continued sitting there. They didn't move, breathe or blink. In fact, they could pass for statues. "Right." Emmett suddenly boomed, "Let's go."

Just like that, they trooped out of the front door. Turning behind, I found the two youngest of the clan had disappeared. Groaning at the thought of finding them in this spacious house to get Renesmee to start her lessons, I went upstairs. "Renesmee. Come on, it's time for your lessons." I called out while walking around the house.

Suddenly my foot felt really painful. Unable to stop myself, I let out a yell of pain. I just stepped on a Lego brick. Now I was really angry. "Renesmee." I said sternly putting on my scariest voice. "If you don't come out, I'm telling your father." Someone did appear but not the one I wanted.

Benjamin was hugging some old beat up teddy bear toy. "If you're looking for Nessie, you won't find her." With that, he walked into his older brother's room shutting the door behind him. I realised that I did not know much about him. "Benjamin." I said to the closed door. "Benjamin. Where's Renesmee?" I asked. No reply.

"Where's your sister?" I asked again. No reply.

This went on for five minutes before I lost my temper. "This is too much." I told the cameramen. Rapping sharply on the door, I yelled out the same question I have been asking him for the past five minutes.

The door flew open. "I don't know lady. Why don't you check yourself if you're that desperate, huh?!" he yelled at me before slamming the door shut.

"That's it. I'm calling your father." I said to him.

Storming downstairs, I found Renesmee sitting at the table peacefully reading a book. "Where were you?" I asked.

"Nowhere important." came the response.

I felt like slapping her. _Keep calm Jane. Just a few more days then its rule change._ Taking a deep breath, I began teaching her. After a few minutes however, she lost interest and began doodling on the page. "Renesmee. Concentrate." I said sharply.

She scowled but returned to her work. She worked in silence for a few more minutes before she threw the pencil away while letting out a big groan. "I don't want to work anymore." she said.

"Too bad. You have to." I retorted.

"I want to play the piano." she said.

"No."

"Too bad. I'm going to."

With that, she got up and walked off. Soon, I heard piano music floating in from some other room in the house. How does their mother live with them? I bet she was glad to get away for a while.

**Ben POV**

Nessie was busy annoying the annoying person. Good for her. _Where's mummy dad? What happened?_ "What do you think Mr Tedsworth?" I asked. He looked at me through his two glass eyes.

"The question is what do you think Ben?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think happened?"

I scowled at the question. Mr Tedsworth was right. Something happened that day. Someone else was in the house that day. Dad looked scared for the first time that day. Mum knew. She had to. She always knows.

_ So what happened?_

**Edward POV**

Andrew's mind was a jumble and he wasn't listening to the teacher. His thoughts were all over the place. They could jump from the given work to something else altogether. _Andrew. You alright?_ He nodded.

I don't know if the others noticed it but he was pretty quiet every since he came back.

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><p><strong>That's it guys. It's short, I know.<strong>  
><strong>NOTE: I won't be doing anymore Esme chapters. <strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 13<span>**

**Jane POV**

It was only Friday and the devils were being stubborn. It's amazing how their parents controlled them. I went downstairs to find a mess on the floor. There was food and broken dishes and cutlery strewn everywhere.

"What happened?" I asked.

They looked up.

"Nothing. We're entertaining ourselves." came the reply from Jasper.

"You should be in school right now. And clean up this mess."

"Sorry, we're leaving." said Rosalie.

"What about the kitchen?" I asked.

"What about?" asked Alice.

"Who's cleaning it up?"

"Not us for sure. So, bye."

Laughing, they walked out.

How did their mother deal with them?

**Edward POV**

School. Probably the most boring place on earth after centuries of living. Mr Richards was busy explaining Trig to the class. Andrew wasn't paying any attention at all. His mind was a blur. His thoughts were jumping everywhere.

Then, I saw everything.

**Jane POV**

Once again, I couldn't find Nessie. It was amazing how the kids could hide when they didn't want to be found. "Renesmee. Where are you?" I called out. No one answered me. It was just frustrating.

"Renesmee. It's time for your lessons."

I just could not find her. Where was she? And where was Benjamin? I heard a funny noise coming from outside of the house.

Rushing there, I found a dog. It was really big. It might be a wolf. Too make things worse, Benjamin was on top of it.

"Benjamin… Get off the…thing."

"It's not a 'thing'. It's my friend."

"Benjamin get off."

"No."

_Just like his brother._

Benjamin whispered something in his ear. The wolf looked like it was grinning. The tiny devil slipped off its back and walked back inside the house. "You might want to watch out." he said.

"For what?"

"Just watch out."

When he was inside, the wolf looked straight at me. It grinned. Then it charged.

**Andrew POV**

It was a slow day today. It's amazing how time can fly one minute but then slow to a crawl the next. The kids in this school were really annoying. I should have stayed at home.

"Hey shrimp." some guy said.

_Don't answer Andrew. He's not worth it. _I walked away but Mr Buff Guy had to keep on keeping on.

"I said, 'Hey shrimp'."

"What do you want?"

"You're one of those Cullen kids right."

I nodded. He was getting on my nerves. _Leave Andrew. Before something happens. _Good idea brain.

I tried to side step him but he followed. "Excuse me."

"First, hand in your money."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "This is high school. Stop acting like a kid."

"No. The money."

"Sorry. Don't have any."

"Then you're going to regret it."

**Jane POV**

I woke up on the couch with the camera crew looking concerned. "Are you ok Mrs Smith?" the camera man asked.

"Yes. I'm fine. What happened?"

"Well the wolf charged at you and you fainted. But it stopped short and then scrapped dirt all over you."

"Where are the children?"

"Upstairs."

I nodded. Just then, the phone rang. Great. Just when I wanted some rest.

I got up to answer it.

"Hello. Is this Mrs Cullen?"

**Emmett POV**

I was walking to the lockers with my beautiful Rosie when we heard shouts. Hurrying there, we saw Andrew in the middle of a group of jocks. Where's Eddy?

**Jasper POV**

We heard the fight before we even saw it. There was so much hostile feelings it felt like the hallway was about to implode. Alice took my hand and I shot a grateful smile at her.

"Come on guys. Let's go see what's happening."

**Jane POV**

The devils were at it again. As if their behaviour at home wasn't bad enough, they had to go and do this. I had called Carlisle and he didn't seem to surprise. Now I was on my way to the devils' school with Renesmee and Benjamin in the back seat.

I reached the headmaster's office to find the kids and Carlisle there. The headmaster – Mr Wayne – looked a bit surprised. Carlisle explained the situation to him and he nodded.

"Well, I'll start from the beginning."

**Andrew POV**

This is all my fault. I should have just stayed in England. Should have never come back. _No it's not Andrew. _I smiled. That was Edward for you. _Thanks Ed. But it is. I messed up bad._

I rested my head in my hands. Carlisle won't be pleased.

**Jane POV**

Mr Wayne explained what had happened. Carlisle listened with an unreadable expression on his face. He nodded at Mr Wayne.

"I'll speak to them personally at home. It was a pleasure to see you Mr Wayne."

"Pleasure's all mine Mr Cullen."

**Andrew POV**

Carlisle came out of the headmaster's office. One look at his face and I knew it. _Yep, I'm dead._

**Rosalie POV**

Andrew had said very little on the way home. He looked a little distracted. I had a great plan for a prank. Something that would make even Andrew laugh. First, I just needed the rest to be in the prank.

**Jane POV**

After we got back, Carlisle had taken Andrew to his study for a talk. I felt quite pleased. The devils had got into trouble and their father was not very happy. Deciding that I needed a shower, I went into the bathroom. There was a new bottle of shampoo. I decided to try it out.

**Rosalie POV**

"So? Is she using it?"

"Yep."

Emmett did some sort of victory dance that made us laugh.

"Shh. Quiet. Listen." said Edward.

We went still and listened. A few seconds later a piercing scream could be heard from the hag's room. It was a very, very high pitched scream. Carlisle and Andrew came out of the study to see what had happened. Ben and Nessie came running downstairs.

"What's happening?" asked Andrew.

"Wait and watch." answered Jasper.

"Yeah, then laugh your head off." added Emmett.

**Jane POV**

Those devils. What did they do to my hair?! I went downstairs to confront them. One look at my hair set them off in a fit of laughter. Emmett and Jasper were rolling about on the floor. Andrew was gasping for breath while the two kids where clapping their hands.

I turned to Carlisle. "Do something." I told him. He looked like he too was on the verge of bursting out with laughter. Somehow or other, he collected himself and turned to the children. At least they had stopped laughing.

"Want to explain what happened?"

They became quite serious. Alice pipped up, "It's nothing Car – dad. It's temporary. It'll probably be off tomorrow."

Carlisle seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Mrs Smith, I'll deal with this. Don't worry."

I huffed. He let them off too easily. I stormed away to my bedroom.

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><p><strong>That's it for chapter 13 guys. Hope you enjoyed it and got a good laugh out off it like I did.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys. I'm back! Sorry about the delay. Things are pretty hectic right now.  
>Enjoy the story.<br>I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 14<span>**

**Jane POV**

I woke up to the ringing of the alarm clock. It was only 2:00 in the morning. I must have set the alarm wrongly. It was 3.30 the next time I woke up. Then 4.45 a.m., then 5.53. Finally at six, I decided that the alarm must be broken. I heard muffled laughter at the door.

I walked over and flung the door open. There was no one there. _I must be imagining things._

**Carlisle POV**

It was around 10 when Jane finally woke up. She looked tired and guessing from the children's giggles, they must have had something to do with it. "Edward." I called him.

"Yes Carlisle?"

"Mrs Smith woke up late this morning."

"And you think we have something to do with it."

I nodded. Just then, Alice came badgering in the study.

"Carlisle I promise that the… person will not get hurt anytime we play a prank."

"Alice," I replied "You were never supposed to play any on her."

"Oh please Carlisle. Please, pretty please?" she said with THAT face.

I gave a sigh. "Fine. But as long as you don't harm Mrs Smith."

"Yippie! Thanks Carlisle. You the man. Now let's go shopping."

**Emmett POV**

We got back from shopping and I think that the woman was shocked at how much we bought. Alice should be happy. Me and Jasper were playing a video game. I was winning when the Jane came into the room.

"What are you two doing?"

"Playing."

"Duh."

"You should be outside getting fresh air."

"Don't want to." Jasper said

"Fine. Where are your siblings?"

Jasper shrugged.

Oldie snapped, "Find them then come downstairs. Lunch is ready."

**Jane POV**

I cannot for the life of me figure out how the parents control their children. They were all over the place. _And with no manners at all._ After a few minutes, the devils finally came slinking into the kitchen. They took their places at the table and made various noises of disgust.

"What?" I asked them.

"Do we have to eat this C – dad?" Alice asked Carlisle.

"Yes Alice."

"But why?"

"Because," Carlisle answered sounding tired. "Because it's the rules Alice."

"I know. But why do we have to eat this…this…"

"Crap?" Andrew supplied.

"Yes, crap."

I couldn't take it anymore. Turning to Alice I said, "Look girl. Just be grateful that you have food to eat."

She scowled and muttered something under her breath that made her siblings burst out with laughter. Carlisle must have heard it too because he gave a sigh.

"Alice, just eat the food."

She considered for a few minutes.

"Fine. I'll eat it _dad_. But if I get sick it's your fault."

**Ben POV**

Aunty Alice did not look very happy. That was a bad sign. I scowled down at my plate. _Uncle Em, this is one of your worst ideas. Ever._ I stared at my food and then I had a bright idea. They were going to love this. Well, except maybe the woman.

I waited until the woman was not looking, then I got a bucket then poured my food inside. I handed it to dad and he did the same. The rest of the family joined in too. Even granddad Carlisle, who hesitated at first, but added his share into the bucket.

Great. Time to put the plan into action.

**Jane POV**

I turned around from the sink to find that the Cullen's had already eaten. That fast?

"Andrew," I asked the boy "Take out the trash."

He scowled. "You take it out. I'm not feeling to well."

"Boy."

"Woman."

I glared at him but he merely stared back. After a long stand-off with Emmett whistling softly, I looked away. The boy seemed pleased with himself.

"Fine. I'll do it myself."

"Yeah sure. You – you just do that." He said in between yawns.

I scowled at him. Teenagers these days.

As I went to the door, I had a funny feeling that they were watching me. The door was left open a little bit. The brats must have forgotten to close it when they came into the house. What happened next made me wish I had never signed up for this show.

I opened the door and all of a sudden, a bucket comes falling down onto my head.

The brats were roaring with laughter. Emmett was on the floor rolling around. Even Carlisle looked like he was trying not to laugh. Finally he got a grip on himself. "Children please." He said in a soft voice I doubt that they could hear. They however stopped laughing at once and sat properly.

I glared at them. Carlisle wasn't even doing anything. He just sat there looking amused.

"Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" I asked them. They just stared back at me.

Carlisle cleared his throat and everyone looked at him. "Mrs Smith. Why don't you go upstairs to get changed? The kids will clean up the mess."

This was greeted by a general cry of outrage but fell silent when Carlisle raised his hand. "You created the mess. Now clean it up." The devils got up slowly from the chairs grumbling. I smirked and went upstairs to clean up.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys & girls! I'm back again.  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 15<span>**

**Jane POV**

Today, I woke up feeling happy. It was rule change day and the devils were going to get it. Jake was on a university trip for the rest of the week. As I went downstairs, I noticed that it quiet today. Too quiet. The children were nowhere to be seen.

I was on my way to the kitchen when someone grabbed me from behind and yelled, "BOO!". I fainted.

When I came to, the beasts were standing over me.

"Is she okay?"

"We didn't kill her did we?"

"Nah. Should be fine."

When I opened my eyes, they all screamed and ran for it.

I found them all in the kitchen with Carlisle. "Hey lady. Back again?" said Emmett. I glared at him.

"What was that about?"

"Oh. Emmett thought that today was your birthday."

"False alarm I guess." He said grinning.

They all groaned. Andrew snorted. Edward muttered something under his breath. Whatever it was the kids started yelling over each other. Ben was singing at the top of his voice.

I looked at Carlisle and he held up his hand. They stopped at once and looked at him. "Please children. We should let Mrs Smith change the rules." This was greeted by another flurry of yelling. Carlisle shot them all a look and they sat down looking mutinous.

I stood up. "All right. Rule number one; no fighting in school." This was, once again, greeted by yells and protests.

"We don't fight."

"It's only pranks."

"Woman you're crazy."

Carlisle coughed. "Perhaps we should let Mrs Smith continue until the end and them you can have your say." A general murmur of agreement went around the table.

I cleared my throat and Andrew snorted. Carlisle shot him a look and he stared at the table sullenly.

"Rule two; no swearing."

"Fuck yourself." said Emmett. The kids giggled. I glared at him.

"Rule two; no skipping school."

"Easier said than done." Andrew muttered.

"Number three is that the family will sit down together for meals."

They made various noises of disgust but I went on. "Number four is that the children are not allowed to skip school." The devils scowled but said nothing.

"Five. The boys and girls will not be allowed to sleep in the same room with a person of the opposite gender."

For some strange reason, they started smirking at each other.

"The girls are no longer allowed to go shopping anywhere in the town."

Alice started laughing. Carlisle glared at her and she assumed the look of someone at a funeral.

"And finally, the kids will no longer be allowed their own credit cards. Instead, they will be allowed weekly pocket money."

This was greeted by shouts and yells from the devils. Carlisle calmed them down and let them simmer for a few minutes before speaking.

"Children, your credit cards please." He said and they stared at him mutinously. After a while however, they slowly took their cards out and placed them on the table. Carlisle continued staring at Alice and she started crying.

"Why must you be so mean dad?"

"Alice please. Just cooperate."

She pouted for a while but Carlisle held out his hand.

"Fine. But just so you know. This isn't over."

**Emmett POV**

That woman is so stupid. We're going to break her rules anyway. What's the point of setting the rules?

**Alice POV**

How dare this woman just budge in the house and take all my babies. I am going to kill Emmett for this. The woman messed with the wrong family. We're going to take her down. Time for… The Prank Room.

**Bella POV**

Jane will pay for this. Tonight, we were in the basement planning our tricks for her. "We have to decide what to do with her guys." I said.

"No kidding." Andrew agreed.

"So," Alice said while taking a piece of paper and a pencil "Any plans?"

* * *

><p><strong>So, I probably won't be updating for weeks. I know it's pretty short but I was running out of ideas for this chapter.<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Back again guys. Enjoy the chapter.  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 16<span>**

**Jane POV**

It was the first day of rule change. Those devils were going to realise their wrong ways soon. Today, we – the Cullens and I – were going to church. I don't think they go even though they say that they believe in God.

**Edward POV**

I had read the woman's mind yesterday night as she was going to sleep. She was going to bring us to church today. Alice came up with a brilliant plan to get kicked out of church. We planned it all night. Jane was going to be sorry.

**Jane POV**

It was after breakfast and I was waiting for the children to come downstairs. They had made a complete mess of the meal. I had given them all their plates and when I sat down, I had found that they left their wet clothes from last night's water fight. Carlisle was busy in his study – as usual. That man had a problem. Heck, this entire family _was_ a problem.

I was currently waiting for them to get changed. They were taking such a long time. After waiting for them for five more minutes, I decided to go and see what they were up to. I knocked on the girl's door to their bedroom. Alice opened it looking snappy.

"What?"

"Are you done?"

"Chill out woman. I just need to find something for us to wear."

With that last sentence, she slammed the door in my face.

**Alice POV**

I turned around smiling. Part one of our plan was complete. We were going to downstairs in revealing clothes that would no doubt make the woman lose it. We went downstairs to find the boys who had already dressed.

Jane stood up looking shocked. The boys eyed us gleefully. Carlisle looked like he was about to explode. She stormed to the foot of the stairs. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!" she screeched.

"We're wearing clothes, woman." Rosalie answered. "That's what human's wear."

Jane's eyes narrowed. She looked more comical than frightening I couldn't help but giggled.

"Go back up and change."

"Mrs Smith." Carlisle pipped up. "Sorry to bother you, but we're late for church. The girls have no time to change." She frowned but after a while gave a defeated sigh. "Fine."

**Jane POV**

As we went down to the garage, the kids were arguing over who was riding with who. Emmett and Jasper finally got into a fight about it. Carlisle had to step in after a while. They didn't seem to upset though. I bet nothing gets through those thick skulls of theirs.

Finally, they sorted it out. Edward – the bronzed haired one – was driving one car while Carlisle was driving the other. I was with Edward, Emmett, Isabella and Rosalie. The other devils were with their father. I got in the car feeling weary. The monsters were known for their unpredictable driving.

Sure enough, before I could reach my seat belt, the car had already shot out of the drive. "Must you drive so fast?" I asked them. "Do you want to get to church on time or not?" I had no time to answer before he sped up – if that was even possible.

"Slow down!"

"Okay."

Edward braked so suddenly that I was nearly thrown out of my seat. He then continued driving, this time, at the slowest rate possible.

I have no idea how, but we got to church on time anyway.

**Emmett POV**

It was time to put the plan into action. Today, we were going to get kicked out of church and make the woman look like a fool. _Yeah, Em you totally got this._ Edward snorted.

"Really Emmett? Even in your head." he said shaking his head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Inside the church, we made as much noise as possible. Which was easy. Me and Jazzy nearly got into a fight.

We argued over sitting positions. We argued over hairstyles. We made the woman look like she regretted ever signing on to this show. Carlisle looked like he wished that he stayed at home today. When church started, we all began to irritate Janey. Andrew snickered. "Nice one Em." I grinned.

When we were supposed to sing, we started make various noises of pain. Jasper was howling like a cat that got its tail sat on. I kept farting during the service. The pastor had to ask us to be quiet or leave twice. TWICE. That's not a record at all. My personal record is twenty. And that's just me.

Even little Nessie was playing her part to perfection. She kept asking Jane if they could go home. Ben wasn't even doing anything. He was talking to his stuffed bear toy that Sarah gave him – Mr Tedsworth. Smithy was cracking under pressure. Just push a little more…

"ALRIGHT! ENOUGH. HASN'T ANYONE TAUGHT YOU MANNERS!"

Everyone in church turned their heads towards us. The woman's face turned a nice shade of bright red. _Score! We are so out of here._

**Jane POV**

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. The devils had managed to get us kicked out of church. It was only their first time in church and they had been banned from it. I couldn't believe it. On the other hand, they didn't seem to be too upset about it.

Maybe they have some sort of mental problem. _I should sort this out._

That night, I went to have a chat with Carlisle. He agreed on my planned but warned me that the kids might not cooperate. _Yeah right. They never will._ But my mind was made up. I was bringing them to a shrink tomorrow.

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><p><strong>That's all until next time. =)<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Back again with chapter 17. It's the holidays now so I probably have more time to write. =)**  
><strong>I do not own Twilight. <strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 17<span>**

**Jane POV**

Today, I was taking the kids to see a shrink. They needed this very badly. How their parents survived with them all these years, I have no idea. Somehow, today I managed to get Benjamin and Renesmee to help with breakfast. Admittedly, they played around and made a huge mess. But… we got there in the end.

Today's breakfast was the same as always. The devils hardly looked at their food let alone touch it. Instead, they just sat there and stared around them. Andrew and Jasper were playing a blinking game. Rosalie and Emmett were making out much to the disgust of Benjamin. Carlisle came down after a few minutes. "So, kids." he said while ignoring his food. "You will be going to see a shrink today."

This announcement was greeted by yells of protests. "Why?" Andrew demanded. Edward looked unhappy. Isabella looked like she wanted to say something but decided against it. Emmett was fling his breakfast at Jasper who, in turn was dumping everyone else's on Emmett's head. Carlisle had a resigned look on his face. Rosalie and Alice were discussing something about clothes.

It was like I wasn't even there.

"ENOUGH!"

They all turned to look at me. "You…Children should see a shrink. It's like you have problems or something."

"Well of course we have problems woman. Who doesn't?" Andrew answered.

I opened my mouth trying to think of something to say. Failing to do so, I closed it again and settled for scowling at him. He merely grinned at me. "I think we should go guys." he said and was greeted by confused looks from his siblings.

"Might help the woman with her head."

This sentence was greeted by laughter and Carlisle's lips twitched. I scowled even more. Carlisle cleared his throat and stood up. The kids followed his lead and trooped out the kitchen. Edward poked his head back in the kitchen.

"Mrs Smith," he began "Dad says that it's time to go."

Just like that, he was gone in a flash. I put the dishes in the dishwater and left the room. The devils were still arguing about placement when I got into the garage. Emmett and Jasper were having an arm wrestling match. Andrew and Edward were in the midst of discussing something. Carlisle cleared his throat. The kids fell silent.

"Kids, can you please arrange yourself properly."

"Aye captain." replied Emmett.

The kids snorted at this but dispersed into the cars. "Where will I be sitting?" I asked Carlisle. He motioned to a car in which I would be in. Edward was driving this time. I felt quite alright if he was driving. He isn't as bad as his other siblings.

**Emmett POV**

Time to put today's plan into action. It's Emmett the Man's time to shine. Eddie laughed at this but then scowled. "Don't call me Eddie." he snarled. I grinned at him. This is the life. I'm going to start playing my part right around…Now.

**Jane POV**

I regret sitting in this car. Emmett – that was his name right? – stretched his hand to the front quickly. Then, he began jabbing random buttons on the dashboard. "Emmett." Edward snarled. Emmett just chuckled. He played an air guitar along to a couple of songs before he leaned back and gave a yawn.

"This is boring. Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Fine. Be that way."

"I will."

"So do."

"See if I don't"

This was just ridiculous. "Stop fighting." I asked the boys. The girls rolled their eyes and mumbled something I couldn't hear. The boys acted like they didn't hear me and continued arguing. I gave up and stared out the window the rest of the way there.

**Emmett POV**

It's working! We're going to make her sorry she signed up for the show.

**Jane POV**

We're here. Took quite a while but we arrived in time. The devils just could not manage to go inside quietly. Jasper and Emmett had another argument about who goes through the door first. As usual, it nearly ended in a fist fight. As usual, Carlisle had to step in as referee.

They were still arguing when we entered. Everyone there stared at us as we entered. I forced a smile at the receptionist. "Hi. We have an appointment."

She went through her notes. "The Cullens?"

I nodded and she pointed towards a door at the end of the hallway. The kids followed me to the end of the hallway and went inside the door. The room was richly furbished. There were pictures everywhere on the walls. There was only one window that looked out into the car park. There was also a desk facing towards the door. Sitting behind it was a rather small man who looked pale and worn out.

**Emmett POV**

The shrink stood up and smiled. "Hello. How are all of you today?"

"Terrible." Rosalie answered.

He looked slightly concerned. "Oh. And why is that?"

Andrew snorted. He was really got at doing that. "Because we're here."

The 'doctor' looked slightly offended. "Well, you better take a seat. We can start by introducing ourselves."

**Jane POV**

The kids took their seats. They looked bored. Emmett looked like he was thinking of something to do. "I shall start." began the doctor. "Good to meet you all. My name is Doctor Alan Hill."

He looked at Edward to start. "I'm Edward."

"Edward what?"

"Cullen. What else?"

"Bella."

Alan looked like he was about to ask for her full name but Isabella was already looking at Emmett. Emmett puffed out his chest. "I am the one. The only. Captain Super General Major Sargent Emmett."

We all looked at him like he was mad. He probably was. "Rosalie." said the blond girl coldly. _Is she always like this?_

Jasper looked up from the floor. "Jasper."

"Alice."

"Andrew."

"Nessie."

Alan held up his hand. "Nessie?"

"Yeah. Sort for Renesmee."

"Ah. And you?" the doctor said looking at Benjamin.

"Ben. Short for Benjamin."

**Doctor Smith POV**

The Cullens were a weird family for sure. But a customer is a customer. Especially if their as rich as them. I cleared my throat. "So? What's the problem?"

**Carlisle POV**

This was not going to well. There were laughter and angry shouts from inside the room. Yup. The kids were making Mrs Smith regret for what she did.

* * *

><p><strong>That's it for now. <strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 18<span>**

**Jane POV**

The next morning, I couldn't find the children for breakfast. Really, they could be invisible when they wanted to. They had made a mess of yesterday's appointment. Today, they came home from where ever they go to just in time to get ready for school.

After they had left, rather noisily too, I gathered Benjamin and Renesmee. Today, I was going to teach them a little bit of Mathematics. I sat them down in the kitchen and placed Math books in front of them. They stared at me like I was mad.

"I don't want to learn Math today." Ben said

"Then?"

"Something else."

"Like?"

"I want to go outside."

"No. What about you Renesmee." I said turning to the girl. She scowled at me.

"It's Nessie."

I ignored her and stood up. If the brats were not going to learn anything, I might as well get the shopping done with. "Fine, if you're not going to study, you might as well follow me to the shops."

At the shops, I picked up a few groceries with the two trailing behind me. The cashier offered me a smile but that faded away as soon as she saw the two. "Are you with the Cullens?" she asked her eyes wide. I shook my head.

"No. I'm participating in a wife swap program."

She nodded at this. "So…How's it like living with them?"

We talked for a little while longer but then I said I had to go. I turned around to find the kids but they weren't there. A girl said that she had seen them leave the shop. I went outside and to the car. They should be there.

**Andrew POV**

Today was somewhat a terrible day. I woke up having a massive headache. Even a long walk through the woods did not clear that up. Carlisle and his fresh air theory did not work today. To top it off, I kept hearing things.

At first, I thought I was imagining it. But it was happening over and over again. I needed a moment of quiet. Of peace. _Yeah, fat chance Andrew. This is a high school remember? _

There was just no quite corner. Not even the library.

**Nessie POV**

The woman was taking really long just to checkout. I was getting bored. Then, I got a brilliant idea. First, I need Ben's help. "Hey Ben," I whispered to him. "Let's get out of here and find Grandad Carlisle."

He nodded and we went out of the shop. This was going to be fun. The hospital was not very far from here. We could walk there.

When we got there, the receptionist looked surprised to find two children without an accompanying adult. "Look. I know you're kids but I can't let you in without an adult. Sorry. Hospital regulations."

I scowled and went to sit down. Might as well wait until the end of grandad's shift. Ben meanwhile, seemed to have an idea. "Nessie. If we could perhaps persuade the woman, she might let us pass."

I nodded. Ben was very good at persuading people. He just did that innocent kids thing that everyone fell for. "Please miss. I need to see my father. He's very high up here."

"Oh. Who is it?"

"Carlisle Cullen."

"Really?"

"Yeah miss. You can call him and ask him if you like."

"Maybe I will." She said and picked up something. Ben looked satisfied with his work and returned to his seat. After a while Carlisle appeared at the doorway looking confused. Ben got up and ran to him. He hugged him around the leg.

"Daddy, the woman was being boring. Me and Nessie decided to come here. Can we stay with you for the rest of the day?" he was pleading.

Carlisle nodded and led us into his office. "Now you must promise not to leave you promise?"

We nodded.

**Jane POV**

The children were nowhere near the car. I had to tell Carlisle. I dialled his number and got him on the first try. Before I could say anything however, his voice cut across.

"Mrs Smith? Don't worry. The kids are with me. If you don't mind, I think they would prefer to stay with me until my shift ends." he hung up after that. Guess he must be busy.

With the location of the children secured, I went home. I prepared lunch for the devils – not that they would even touch it. I sat down to wait for them. The kids didn't turn up after four. I waited until six but they still didn't show up. This was just terrible.

It was eight when the kids finally turned up. They came into the house laughing raucously. I stood up and went into the hallway. "Where have you been?"

"Chill out woman. We were just at the hospital." Andrew said.

"Why?"

"To pick up the brother and sister that you lost." Jasper replied.

Renesmee and Benjamin smirked at me from behind their elder siblings. Those…Things! There really was no level of how low they could sink.

"Your 'lunch' is cold." She said icily.

"No thanks lady. We grabbed something to eat when we were out." Emmett said.

**Edward POV**

How the woman manage to let Nessie and Ben slip through her, I have no idea. Maybe it had something to do with them hanging out with Emmett all the time. I gathered everyone at the top floor.

"I read Smith's mind. She's going to tell Carlisle about us not eating."

"Then we have to distract him." Alice suggested.

**Jane POV**

Carlisle came back at 11:50 p.m. The kids were going to get it now. He stepped through the door and before I could say anything, they jumped out at him.

"Hey dad."

"What's up dad. How was work?"

"You look tired. I'll take that briefcase if you don't mind."

"C'mon. Let's go upstairs where I'm sure you can unwind in your own time."

They led him upstairs and grinned at me looking smug.

I scowled back at them. This was probably another plan of theirs. I stomped up to bed.

* * *

><p><strong>I hoped you enjoyed this chapter.<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19. Hoorah!**  
><strong>Alexis - Sorry, the other family is just normal and I won't be doing anymore chapters on them. So, Esme's not going to be around until the last chapter. <strong>  
><strong>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 19<span>**

**Emmett POV**

Today is going to be a fun day. We are going to see the shrink again today. Besides that, we are going to annoy the woman – like we always do. This was going to be fun.

Eddie-Weddie was driving one car to the shrink's office while Jasper was driving another. Bella, Andrew and the woman were in the same car with Ed. Me, Rose, and Alice were with Jasper.

Let the fun begin.

**Jane POV**

I sat in the back seat of the car with Andrew. He complained to his brother but Edward just laughed it off. "Sorry bro. You know I prefer Bella over anyone else." Edward said and Andrew scowled at him and slinked down in his seat muttering.

Andrew sat there like that for a few minutes before he leaned forward and begun playing with the radio. Edward glared at him. "Stop that Andrew." he snapped.

"Sorry mate. Just don't like this radio station."

"Well I like it."

"Whatever." Andrew replied ideally. He rolled down the window and stuck his head out.

"Wanker!" he yelled out at a passer-by who looked startled. Edward growled slightly.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Stick your head out of the window and yell out to passer-byes."

"Free country Ed. It's not like you've never done it before."

Edward kept quite after that. Andrew laughed and continued berating people.

"Didn't anyone teach you manners?" I asked him. He turned to me and grinned cheekily.

"But of course ma'am. People taught me well but sadly, manners are wasted on people who don't deserve it." he said that and then rolled back up the window and shut his eyes.

**Jane POV**

We finally reached the office after what felt like a roller coaster ride. Edward and Jasper insisted on having a road race then playing chicken. I told him to stop but he - like the rest of his siblings – just laughed it off. Sometimes I wonder if their on something.

Today, the doctor asked the kids to tell him what they thought of each other. Naturally, Emmett managed to turn it into a fight between him and his brother.

**Doctor Hill POV**

"So, let's begin this session shall we?" I asked them.

"Do we have a choice?" Rosalie asked.

I ignored her and looked around the room. They looked the same as ever. The same perfection, the same tried look. "Why don't you tell me what you think of each other?" I asked them.

Emmett gave a sly glance at Edward. "I think Edward's too obsessive about Bella." he grinned at his brother.

Edward scowled at his brother. "I am not. I merely care about her safety."

"Sure you do."

"Yes. I do."

"Anyways, I think Eddie here, is too uptight. He needs to relax more."

"I do not."

"Whatever."

"At least I don't treat everything as a joke like you." Edward snapped.

"Ooh. Touchy. Touchy."

"Be quiet!" Edward said standing up so suddenly that his chair fell over. Emmett grinned at Jasper then stood up too. They stared at each other. Emmett raised his fist in a mock pose.

"Come on then Edward. Let's see how tough you are." Emmett said still grinning. Edward leapt at his brother and soon, they were involved in a fight. Mrs Smith tried to step in but one of the kids – Andrew I think his name was – advised her to stay out of it. So she did.

I watched the other kids for their reactions. Jasper and Alice were having a whispered conversation in the corner not bothering about what was happening around them. Rosalie was busy admiring her nails. Isabella or Bella as she preferred to be called was watching the two brawling boys impassively. Andrew meanwhile, was encouraging his brothers.

"C'mon Edward. Is that the best you can do?" he yelled out. "Get in Emmett! Bash 'im up."

Mrs Smith scowled at them from the corner of the room. She stepped forward. "Andrew. Stop encouraging your brothers." She said and he scowled at her. "You two. Stop fighting." She said turning to Edward and Emmett.

It was becoming apparent that she had absolutely no control over the kids. So did I. Maybe I should retire. _I'm getting too old for this. _

**Jane POV**

We arrived back in time for me to cook dinner. Carlisle was waiting at the door. He looked concerned when Emmett told him that he had a fight with Edward.

"Besides that, everything was fine?" he asked and the kids and they started agreeing so loudly I couldn't get a word in. Giving up, I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

During dinner, they picked at their food as usual. I wonder if they ever ate. Andrew was leaning over and muttering to Emmett. His brother grinned and scooped a large chunk of smashed potato on his spoon.

"Hey Jasper." Emmett said and his blonde haired sibling looked up only to be greeted by smashed potato to his face. He growled and started throwing peas to his brother. However, he hit Rosalie in the face and she glared at him. If looks could kill, Jasper would be dead.

Rosalie hit back with her smashed potato but got Alice in the face. Their sister joined in quite happily. Soon, food was flying everywhere. Emmett and Jasper had officially started a food fight. Carlisle was half-heartedly trying to reel the kids in but gave up and retreated to his study.

He was hopeless. I suspect the mother was no better when it came to controlling the children. They just ruled the house.

"STOP!" I yelled and they actually stopped.

"Yes?" Andrew asked.

"Why must you fight?" I asked them and they shrugged. Then, they started again. They finally gave up after a few more minutes and trooped upstairs cheerfully wising me goodnight.

I spent the rest of the night cleaning the kitchen then went to take a shower. The Cullen's were really horrible. In fact, they were past helping.


	20. Chapter 20

**Back again with another chapter.  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 20<span>**

**Jane POV**

I woke up at one in the morning because someone was screaming at the top of her lungs. I went to see what was happening. Everyone else was up too. Rosalie was the one screaming her heart out.

"Why are you screaming?" I asked her. She scowled at me and held up her hand to display her fingers.

"I broke a nail." she said and I groaned. This was beyond ridiculous. _Teenagers these days… _

**Rosalie POV**

Phase One in the plan was complete. Emmett had made a really ridiculous name for it; Plan Give the Old Hag What She Deserves. Not only was it ridiculous, it was a long title. Which was something Emmett would do – give a plan a really long name. The next phase was up to Ben.

**Ben POV**

I gave the lady an hour then I went into her room. I poked her awake. She looked slightly annoyed, slightly wary.

"Yes Benjamin?"

"I can't sleep miss."

"Why not." she demanded.

"I had a nightmare. Will you let me sleep with you?"

"Why should I?"

"Because mummy lets me. You're the replacement mum. You've to let me." I said with a pout. No one could resist it. This one was different though; she gave me an angry glare and stood up. _Uh-oh._

**Jane POV**

This boy has to be joking. How old is he. Five? Surely he could sleep by himself.

"No." I said and immediately regretted it. The boy opened his mouth and began to cry. That's right, he cried. All because I told him no. He was bringing the house down.

The door burst opened. Everyone was standing there looking surprised. Andrew and Carlisle were frowning. Benjamin ran to his elder brother who picked him up at once. He glared at me.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I told _him_ that he couldn't sleep with me."

This got a bitter laugh from the boy. His blue eyes were icy as they stared at me.

"Who'd want to sleep with you?" With that, he stalked out of the room still holding his brother and whispering in his ear. The boy looked so smug I felt like slapping him. The rest of the kids drifted out of the room.

"Is that all Mrs Smith?" Carlisle asked and I nodded. He nodded at me and left the room.

**Alice POV**

Phase Two is done. Ben did a great job. Now it's my turn, Phase Three in action. At four in the morning, I went into her room. She snores. Quietly of course.

I took her clothes and snuck back out of the room. _This woman has seriously bad taste._ I took the clothes out to the yard where the boys had already lit a fire. Carlisle was at the hospital so it was all clear.

We watched the clothes burn for a while then went back inside the house to have fun. My job is done here.

**Jane POV**

I woke up pretty late today. The devils had left a note that they were already at school and not to bother with lunch as they wouldn't be at home. Renesmee and Benjamin were nowhere to be seen in the house.

I walked over to the closet and opened it. There were no clothes in there. What happened to them? They must have taken it. Those…things. I stormed down stairs and called Carlisle at the hospital. The receptionist picked up.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hello. Is Carlisle Cullen available."

"No sorry. Do you have a message?"

"Yes. Can you tell him that Mrs Smith called and that the children have burnt all my clothes."

"Okay…" she sounded unsure. Of course she would. Who would believe that children could burn clothes?

So, for the rest of the day, I sat around in my pyjamas waiting for the kids to come home. It was only noon when they came home laughing. The two youngest children hadn't appeared all day but now, they came out of nowhere to greet their elder siblings.

"What are you doing back home so early?" I asked them.

"Emmett started a mini-fire during chemistry." Edward said and his brother grinned.

I scowled at them. Did they do this all the time? Since they were here, they might as well do the chores. So, I set them to work, which they did all the while complaining about how their mum never made them do anything like that.

Carlisle came home late as usual. It was too late to go out to the shops.

"Unfortunately Mrs Smith, it's too late to go out as I'm sure the kids would like their rest. What about tomorrow?" he asked and I nodded. "Excellent. To bed now children. Except for the girls."

The boys and their younger siblings went up to bed whispering among them. The girls stood there looking expectant. Carlisle gave them with a disapproving look. They stared right back at him innocently.

"Why did you burn Mrs Smith's clothes?" he asked.

"Those were clothes?" Alice asked with her eyes wide. Carlisle gave a sigh.

"Tomorrow, you must take Mrs Smith to get new clothes. Just for tonight, you girls have to share your clothes with her."

"WHAT!" screamed Alice.

"You have to be kidding me." That was Isabella. Rosalie just glared at me like it was all my fault.

"No arguing girls. Find Mrs Smith appropriate clothes then go to bed." Carlisle said firmly.

Alice growled and stomped upstairs closely followed by her sisters. Carlisle bid me a goodnight then slowly climbed upstairs. I was left standing there staring at the space where the Cullen's once stood.

**Bella POV**

Phase Four is in action. We found 'appropriate' clothes for the woman. Alice said that we wouldn't need it anymore and that we should burn it after Mrs Smith was done with it.

Andrew handed over some of his itching powder. We sprinkled some over the replacement mum's clothes. The itching powder was of course Emmett's idea. Jane will have a very itchy night.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21 should be up after a few days.<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 is up!  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 21<span>**

**Jane POV**

I woke up in the morning feeling itchy. It wasn't the normal type of itch where you could just scratch it and it'll pass. This itch just wouldn't go away no matter how much scratching I did. Turns out I have rashes. How nice.

I knocked on the door of Carlisle's study. Hopefully, he was still here.

"Come in." he said and I opened the door.

"I think the kids put something in my clothes last night." I said while scratching myself. He nodded.

"Mrs Smith. Would you please call Alice into my study?" he asked and I nodded. "Thank you."

I went down to the living room. The devils were there laughing their heads off while Jasper and Emmett were playing with something in the television. Andrew was the first to notice me and coughed slightly.

The children turned around. Their expressions went from gleeful to serious.

"Can we help you Mrs Smith?" Edward asked.

"Carlisle wants Alice in his study." I said and Alice scowled. Her siblings snickered. Emmett muttered something that made Jasper glare at him.

Satisfied with the fact that Alice would probably get in trouble, I went to prepare breakfast. Carlisle stopped by after a while and said that he was going to be at work.

"Don't bother with breakfast for me Mrs Smith. I'll probably get something to eat on the way." He explained.

The kids just sat there, as usual, during breakfast. They stared at the food. Was my cooking that bad? I scowled at them. If they were never going to eat, I might as well not bother.

**Emmett POV**

Phase Five was going to be in action the whole day. We were going to annoy the pants off the woman. Hopefully, it didn't happen literally. She was staring at us with a big frown on her face.

"Why don't you eat the food?" she asked.

"Technically, you didn't say anything about eating. We only had to sit down together for meals." Andrew pointed out like the big geek he was.

"He has a point Mrs Smith." Edward said.

She scoffed and stalked away out of the kitchen. We grinned at each other. The plan was going perfectly.

**Jane POV**

After breakfast, the children scattered to different parts of the house. They could be surprising quiet when they wanted to. I had nothing else to do after clearing up the dishes so I went to see if I could find them.

I had long given up trying to find something to clean in this house. It was spotless. There was nothing else to do.

Carlisle came back around noon. The kids clamoured around him to greet him. He smiled at them and waited for them to calm down.

"Alright. Alice, you can take Mrs Smith to go shop for her new clothes."

**Alice POV**

Is he serious? Must I really do this? As if living with her wasn't bad enough. But, there was this one rule…

"I'm sorry Car – I mean dad, I can't take Mrs Smith shopping." I said and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Why not?"

"Because it's a rule. We can't go shopping."

The rest of them grinned madly. Mrs Smith looked like someone had just impaled her with a particularly sharp stick.

I added, "Besides, I don't have my credit cards with me." I feigned an innocent smile and Andrew coughed softly.

"Just this one time, okay?" Carlisle said and I nodded. "Go on then. Might want to bring Rosalie with you. And don't forget to but lotion for the rashes."

**Jane POV**

Alice was positively bouncing as we went down to the garage. She was skipping like a kid on Christmas Day. Rosalie wasn't far behind her sister.

"Hurry up lady, or all the good stuff will be gone." Alice said.

Really, this was too much. Was there nothing else that this girl liked to do in her spare time? The only thing I have learned about her was shop, fashion, Jasper, siblings, and shop.

As for Rosalie, I wonder what her problem is. It was like she was made of stone. She had virtually no expression besides glaring and a pleased look. I had gathered that there were only a few things that this girl was interested in.

At the shopping mall, I trailed after the girls. Alice was bouncing over the place, definitely knowing where to go while Rosalie was trying to calm her down.

Turns out that I was the only one who needed lunch. The two girls just sat there waiting for me to finish looking bored. We spent the whole day at the mall. How do they do it?

We arrived home just after eight. There was laughter coming from the living room. I realized that everyone was there. Even Carlisle.

"There you are. We were wondering when you would be back." came a voice.

It was Isabella. She grinned at her sisters. "So, what did you get?"

"Well…" Alice began and I wandered away to get dinner from the kitchen. There was a note on the table. It read:

_Dear Mrs Smith,_

_ Made dinner for you ('cause of Carlisle). It's in the microwave oven. Hope you like lasagne. Carlisle also made me wrote this note (just thought you should know). _

_ Andrew_

I stared at the note. So one of the devils could cook. Andrew… Which one of them was Andrew? Was it the boarding school in England one?

The lasagne was actually pretty good. I finished up and washed the plates then went out to the living room. The two youngest children and Andrew were not in the room when I went out.

"Ah. Hello Mrs Smith, we're having family time now." Carlisle said.

Finally, proof that this family wasn't that bad. I came into the living room and got the shock of my live. The kids were playing strip poker and Carlisle had his back towards them.

"Why are they playing strip poker?"

"That's what they do Mrs Smith. I thought someone explained that to you before?"

"Stop it!" I yelled and the kids looked back.

"Sorry lady, we can't. It's the middle of them game." replied Emmett.

I scowled. Just when you thought they weren't so bad.

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><p><strong>That's all for this chapter.<strong>  
><strong>The story is nearly done.<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 is up!  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 22<span>**

**Emmett POV**

It was the last day today. We were finally going to be free. The woman was not going to bring us to see the shrink today. She finally gave up trying to 'help' us. We were going to make this a day for her to remember.

**Jane POV**

It was the last day of the swap. I'll to be able to see my family tomorrow. I wonder how they are. They probably picked up some of the bad habits from the mum. I will definitely not miss them.

I went downstairs to be greeted by the children. They grinned at me.

"Good morning Mrs Smith." They chorused.

They were suspiciously polite today. Were they up to something?

"Mrs Smith. As today is your last day, we have decided to be on our best behaviour." Edward said.

The devils grinned at me and trooped into the kitchen.

**Nessie POV**

Phase six of the plan in in action. We are going to lull her into a false sense of security before we give her a giant fright. I and Benjamin volunteered to make breakfast. The woman looked slightly suspicious then agreed.

**Carlisle POV**

The kids were really polite today. Being this polite, they probably were up to something. _Edward, my study. Now._

He was in my study in a flash. "Edward. Are you up to something?"

"Yes. But, she won't get hurt." he said. "Not a physical injury of course. We're only going to give her a slight scare."

"So nothing major will happen?"

"Nope."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

**Jane POV**

The kids ate breakfast today without a word of protest. Maybe they really meant what they said. They practically stuffed the food down their throats then took off. They disappeared for the rest of the day until lunch.

Lunch was basically the same thing. The kids had a mischievous look in their eyes. After lunch, the kids wandered off and couldn't be found after the meal.

They must have gone trekking in the woods. Carlisle did mention that they liked to go wandering about among nature.

That was their only habit that I find beneficial to them.

**Edward POV**

We wandered off to the forest to get rid of the food. After, we had to hunt for blood. We played around a bit.

"When do you think we should put the plan into action?" Emmett asked.

"Maybe after dinner." Jasper replied.

"Preferably before. I don't fancy eating another round of that shite." Andrew said.

"You mean that sad excuse of cooking?" Renesmee asked and Andrew nodded.

Emmett yelled from somewhere in the forest. "Come on guys. Let's get back home."

"Why? Can't we just stay here until we have to pull it off?" Rosalie asked. Jasper grinned.

"How about a game." he suggested. "A race back to the house or something." he added when we looked at him quizzically.

At this, Emmett was back in a second. Or maybe less than that. "Let's have a race Jazzy."

"Don't call me Jazzy." Jasper said but Emmett merely grinned.

"Twice, no ten times around the forest then straight back to the house." Emmett said.

"Care to make that a bet?"

"$500 says I beat you. Deal?"

"Deal." Jasper said and they shook on it. The girls scoffed and walked off.

"Well Eddie?" Emmett said.

I glared at him. I hated that name. "What?"

"Wanna race?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No thanks Emmett. I'd rather take a walk back with my beautiful Bella and Renesmee."

Emmett shrugged and went off. "Suit yourself. Come on Jazz." He said and the two of them went off.

"Going back too?" I asked Andrew.

He shook his head. "Nah. I think I'll stay for a while. Bring Ben with you will you?"

"Alright. Come on Ben. Let's go."

**Jane POV**

I didn't see the kids for the rest of the day. I did hear the back door swing open and bang shut. Other than that, they stayed out of sight for the whole day.

Carlisle was also out of the house. He was at the hospital. An urgent call had come in sometime after lunch.

I had already prepared dinner and set it on the table when I heard them. They were on the stairs from the sound of things. All of the sudden, there was a loud crash from the hallway. There were high-pitched screams which, no doubt, came from the girls. There were also loud yells.

I rushed out of the room only to be greeted by a horrendous sight. Most of the kids were standing on the top of the stairs looking horrified. I stared at the sight at the bottom of the stairs in horror. How could they do that?

Emmett was at the bottom of the stairs. He had a blank look on his face and there was blood everywhere. His head laid limply on the floor and his right leg dangled on the stairs.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Emmett fell down." Andrew said.

"Yes I know that how?"

"Well, we were playing a game."

"What game?"

"We wanted to see how many stairs we could jump from above. It was Emmett's turn and he must have been a bit carless."

I picked up the telephone and dialled the hospital. There was no answer. I tried again but before I could press the last number, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I turned around and gave one of the loudest scream I have ever uttered.

It was Emmett. He was still covered in blood and was grinning wildly. "What's up lady?" he asked.

**Andrew POV**

It took the woman a few minutes to finally understand what happened. She stormed off upstairs muttering something about Carlisle angrily.

This is one of the best jokes ever.

**Jane POV**

Those…Creatures. How dare they! I'm informing Carlisle the first thing tomorrow morning. I could still hear them laughing into the night at their 'funny' joke.

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><p><strong>Come on people. Comment.<strong>  
><strong>I'm getting, on average, three comments per chapter.<br>That is slightly depressing.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Last chapter!  
>I do not own Twilight.<strong>

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><p><strong><span>CHAPTER 23<span>**

**Jane POV**

Today, the driver was picking me up from the house. Carlisle had gathered the kids in the hallway to say goodbye. They looked like they preferred to be doing something else instead.

I shook hands with Carlisle and nodded to the kids. Rosalie pointedly yawned loudly. Emmett and Jasper snorted with laughter and Andrew raised his eyebrows; amused. I scowled at them. I certainly wouldn't miss them at all.

**Esme POV (A/N: Yes! She's back.)**

I hugged the children goodbye. Thomas shook my hand smiling happily. "Thanks for everything Esme." he said.

"You're welcome."

Faith twirled up to me. "Goodbye Esme. I'll miss you." she said as she hugged me. David nodded from behind her.

To be honest, I felt slightly sorry to go. They were good kids and Thomas was a nice father. However, I do miss my family and I can't wait to go home.

But first... A trip to the studio.

**Jane POV**

We were going to the studio to sort out our differences. I wonder how the children are. They had probably picked up bad habits off the replacement mum. When I get to the table, I'll give her a piece of my mind – about the children.

After a while, we reached the studio. I got out of the car and saw Thomas waiting there. I gave him a hug, glad to be back with my proper family. I saw the Cullen's out of the corner of my eye. They were sucking each other's faces.

_ Disgusting._

**Thomas POV**

I greeted Carlisle with a nod. He was much younger looking in person. As we sat down, I glanced at Jane. Her face was set in that way when she was about to scold someone. Oh, dear. I hoped the show helped her realize things about the kids.

**Carlisle POV**

Thomas looked like a good man. Esme filled me in on him when we were walking to the table. Apparently, he was a good father but just worked too much.

"Just like you." she had added teasingly.

"If you don't mind Mrs Cullen. Can you go first?" one of the crew said. Esme nodded.

**Esme POV**

"Well," I began, "When I got there, the kids were quite contend. Thomas was almost a workaholic."

A crossed look flashed on Mrs Smith's face before it went.

"There were way too many activities and chores for the kids to do. They didn't even like some of the activities."

Her face was one of pure shock. She sat with her arms crossed and a frown on her face.

"During the second week, I gave the children more freedom. Needless to say, they were a lot happier during the second week. Thomas was also around more to spend time with the kids."

**Jane POV**

I couldn't believe that woman. How dare she! The kids do not work too much.

"Jane, it's your turn." Thomas said.

I scowled at the Cullen's. "For starters," I said, "The kids are very rude and just don't know when to stop."

"They just don't listen. Do you even have any control over them?" I asked and Esme just smiled at me looking amused.

"And the pranks!" I said my voice rising slowly. Thomas placed a calming hand on my wrist but I shrugged it off. "Their pranks are the worst. Do you know what they have done to me for the past two weeks?!"

**Thomas POV**

I watched the Cullen's. I really hope that she doesn't say or do something that she might regret. Jane finally finished her speech and looked rather satisfied with herself.

"I think that the problem with your family is not the kids. Or even Thomas for that matter." Esme said. "I think that the problem is you."

Jane just sat there and stared not believing her ears. Esme ignored her and continued. "You're too controlling. You really should listen and talk to the kids more."

**Jane POV**

Two words. Not. Happy. I most definitely wasn't too controlling. I turned to Thomas.

"What do you think?" I asked him.

"I agree with Esme." he said.

"What! Why?"

"You are too controlling. You even have a menu for two weeks about what to eat. The kids have too much work to do and there's no time for them to relax." he replied. "Think about it please."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. They did have a point though. The kids generally looked unhappy or forced a smile.

"I suppose I could try and lessen their workload." I said.

Everyone smiled. "I will personally talk to the children when we get home. Promise." Esme said.

"Alright then." Thomas said standing up and offering a hand. "Goodbye."

We exchanged goodbyes and went off to the cars that were to take us back to our homes. I couldn't wait to see the kids again.

**Esme POV**

"Well, Jane took it well." I said as we got in the car. Carlisle nodded.

"But now, we have to deal with Emmett."

"Yes, you're right. I do have one idea…"

"Oh?" he said. "What's that?"

"No 'doing it' with Rosalie for say… a month. No, two months."

Carlisle grinned at this and we discussed various punishments for Emmett all the way home.

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><p><strong>That's it for this story. <strong>  
><strong>I hope that you had mush fun reading this as I did writing it.<br>Until the next story.**


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